Poly Relationships

10 Things to Explore with Your Partner that Are NOT Sex

Man on Leash

Relationships can be anything you want. That’s the great thing about them! But they can also wind up in routine, once you get to a comfort zone and think you only need a few things from your partner(s). When the days together start to feel too stale or when the emotions you were receiving begin to permanently plateau, there is often one reason for it:

THE SEX ISN’T AMAZING.

(Or something isn’t amazing. If it’s not the lovemaking, then it could be something else… which might conveniently exist on this here list I’m about to share with you!)

But whenever something isn’t amazing anymore in a relationship, it’s really time to explore why.

And even if things ARE amazing still… these are worth exploring!

Because the ONE reason most of us get into relationships is: TO HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON WE DESIRE. Let’s not fucking deny that shit for one damn minute, ha ha!

But, even if you fuck for seven hours like Sting in tantric… you will need to do ~something~ when you’re not fucking. Here are 10 things that might be worth exploring together!

1. Conversation. The lost art of mind sex should never be forgotten. Fantasies are born there. Imagination in sex is more important than knowledge in sex. I’m sure Albert Einstein would agree!

2. Kissing. Even if you hit a home run in baseball, you HAVE TO run around first base to score any points. I believe a person can NEVER be too good of a kisser! It’s something worth improving for the rest of your days breathing.

3. Holding. It’s like meditation cake with cuddling icing! To hold the body of your lover is to know the body of your lover.

4. Roleplay. Do they have any secret fantasies or fetishes that they like to play with? Do they have a quiet joy out of you calling them “daddy”? Do they like to wear cheerleader outfits? Do they like to fuck while wearing seven-inch stilettos and having sparkling fake nails digging into their back? Do they like to pretend the Hitachi Magic Wand is a robot from the future that clones itself to try and bring world peace to earthlings? People are into various things. Did you see that scene from the movie Her where Joaquin Phoenix has phone sex with that anonymous woman who wants to be strangled by the dead cat while he fucks her? Now, that’s some extreme roleplay, but different strokes for different folks! Which leads us directly to…

5. BDSM (Hardcore roleplay). This isn’t your typical “playing Doctor and Nurse” scenario! Not everyone is into whips and nipple clips and feather on leather or floggers and safewords. But some people DEFINITELY ARE into having their nipples tweaked and bitten while they are suspended from the ceiling by fine Japanese silk-rope, while being spanked by a leather cane and a wooden paddle, as someone else whispers sweet nothings into their quivering pussy, leading to a pile of squirting orgasmic bliss. There’s a lot of people into BDSM who don’t mix it with penetrative sex, and I’m sure they are very happy.

6. Art. Nothing like going to an art gallery, a nature walk in the park, or a concert with a lover to get to know them better. See what makes their body move, learn what makes their spirit soar. These things will allow you to tap into their heart deeper and actually allow you to connect to them on a more powerful level.

7. Family. This could be any type of family your lover has. Their blood relatives might be really great to get to know, as you find out who helped shape one of your favorite people into who they are today. It could be their business family, the peers that drive them to be excellent at their purpose. Or you could explore the idea of creating your own family together.

8. Silence. How much time can you spend with someone you love, and be completely and absolutely SILENT, and it NOT feel awkward but peaceful, fulfilling, and necessary? Learn how much.

9. The Darkness. Do you know your lover’s triggers, bad habits, evil impulses, most shameful truths, addictions and deepest, darkest secrets? It’s excellent to share them and learn them together. The light that is revealed is like nothing else in the universe. Fear can be permanently eliminated when you confess the things you worry about the most to the people who are most likely to help you overcome it. You’re only as sick as your secrets!

10. Sex. WITHOUT penetration or touching genitalia! I’m sorry, but I’m not going to promote relationships without any intimacy. What do you think I am: crazy?! You may not have to always be fucking, but you can ALWAYS fuck around, ha ha!! The tension that you can build by getting to second and third base, but not “sliding home” can be amazing parts of our favorite game too! Furthermore, one of Western Civilization’s most heralded philosophers, Socrates, committed suicide by drinking hemlock instead of taking the other punishment he was offered: exile from society. Think about it: one of the so-called smartest men in the last 2000 years would rather drink poison and DIE than to be alone and apart from his family, friends and lovers. Nothing to me is better than connection, and there is so much more to sex than actually simply seeking your next orgasm.

Have fun exploring it all!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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