In non-monogamous relationships where you may have two, three, or maybe more partners in your life, it is important to use your actions and words to make everyone feel special.
Some of these practices are universal in their appeal while some behaviors may not apply or will need tweaking for individuals and individual relationships.
What makes one partner feel special may be very different from what works for another. It’s about knowing each partner’s unique needs and desires.
You can also ask yourself “What does my partner do that makes me feel special?” This can help when wanting to reciprocate that energy.
10 Ways to Make a Partner Feel Special
1. Respect the Schedule
If you have more than one partner, you understand the importance of scheduling and calendars in the polyverse. A partner will feel special when they are part of the planning and when there is follow through with set plans. Always show up on time and avoid any last-minute cancellations, barring real emergencies.
Read: 4 Ways to Keep Your Polycule in the Loop
2. Plan One-On-One Time
Polypalooza fun has its place, but nothing tells someone they’re special quite like one-on-one time that is set aside just for them. Intimacy and bonding happens when two people connect as two, without distractions and worrying about how others around them are doing. Plan date nights or daytime hangs where you can focus on one another.
Read: How to Make More Time with Your Partners
3. Practice Affection Daily
People who feel good in their relationships often mention affection as being part of the foundation, and we’re not talking about sex. It’s the day-to-day touching that makes someone feel special. It can be a kiss in the morning, a shower together, a cuddle on the couch, or a hug at the end of a long day.
Read: How to Cuddle: Best Cuddling Positions and Places
4. Be Attentive
A wonderful part of being in a relationship is having a witness to our lives. To be able to share the little things that happen in your day is important. To have a partner observe how we are moving through this thing called life and notice when we need support is massive. Sometimes life gets so busy that we forget to pay attention to the little things, so try to be present and aware.
Laugh at the funny trivial experiences they share, celebrate their achievements, and prop them up when they are going through something difficult.
Read: 4 Ways to Offer Support in Poly Relationships
5. Actively Listen
When your partner(s) speaks, listen. Sounds easy enough, but sometimes we are too busy with our own thoughts or what we are doing and don’t give enough respect when our partners are talking. Put the phone down, move closer to your partner, make eye contact, and engage in the conversation.
Read: How to Be a Better Listener in Your Relationships
6. Cook a Favorite Meal
A simple way to make someone feel special is to prepare their favorite meal, and you don’t have to be a culinary genius. In fact, it’s often more pleasing when someone who isn’t a master chef cooks for their partner. Maybe it’s breakfast in bed or a four-course meal inspired by a trip you took together.
If you do have to resort to take-out, create a fun, sexy, or romantic environment with decorations, lighting, and music. It’s not just the action, but the thought that counts.
Read: Sexy Date Ideas
7. Lighten their Load
When you see that a partner is crumbling under the weight of what is going on in their world, taking on a task or two of theirs will let them know what they mean to you. It may be running a few errands, helping with their aging parents, weeding the garden, or washing the car. Don’t’ wait to be asked, just do.
Read: 3 Must-Haves for Healthy Polyamory Relationships
8. Plan a Getaway
A romantic getaway for two will make a partner feel special. Choose somewhere you know that they will love, even if it’s not your first pick. This might be a cabin in the woods, a weekend at a couples resort, or a theme cruise. Your trip may be just one night at a hotel in your city, just for a change of scenery.
Read: 4 Ways to Deepen Your Poly Connections
9. Indulge their Sexual Desires
Sex intimately connects us with our partner(s). In the bedroom, you can make a partner feel special by indulging a fantasy or fetish that they have shared. Maybe she’s talked about donning a strap-on to peg you. Maybe he’s shared his desire to tie you up and spank you. If the trust is there, give their fantasy a go!
Read: First Time BDSM Stories: Readers Share Their Experiences
10. Tell Them Why You Love Them
Saying I love you is a good thing, but it can also become rote. It may be automatic every time you say goodbye or as a greeting when you haven’t seen each other for some time. But do you say it in between, with explanation. Make a list of the reasons you love your partner(s), and when you do have quality time, share it.
Read: 10 Green Flags for Non-Monogamous Partners
Honor Your Commitment
As time goes by in our relationships, we can take our partner(s) for granted, assuming that how it is today will be how it always will be. Part of what makes a union last is the effort that individuals make to honor their relationship.
Think about what connected you in the beginning, what attracted you to this person, what caused the spark. Reminisce with your partner, recreate some of these memories to make them feel special, to honor your commitment to one another.
Read: 4 Expressions of Commitment in Poly Relationships
How do you make your partner(s) feel special? Please share examples!
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