Poly guys can no doubt show the rest of the dudes out there a thing or two about women. Naturally, since you juggle many lovers and their diverse range of sexual tastes. Plus, you have more experience with different personalities, with troubleshooting relationship conflicts, and handling jealousy and other intense emotions.
As Kramer, everyone’s favorite Seinfeld friend says in one episode, “Well, you know… I have many relationships…” And he also volunteers to give Jerry pointers in pleasing women in bed. “I know how to press those buttons, buddy.”
But your lover’s gay male friends might know more about women than any other man!
Here are a few things you can learn about women from her gay BFFs.
6 Relationship and Dating Tips from Gay Men
1. Notice Everything
The number one difference you’ll find in the relationships between gay men and women and other men and women is how her gay friends notice everything.
Remember last month when she asked you sixteen times if her hair looked okay, and you didn’t even look up while murmuring, “You always look great!” And then how she finally told you she got her hair cut—six inches off and a new color—but you honestly hadn’t even noticed?
One of my girlfriends told me once, “I don’t bother with nice underwear anymore because honestly he can’t even tell the difference between designer French lace and Walmart granny panties.” But when she went clubbing with her gay bestie, he said, “Girl, you’re hiding a new bra under your little black dress—let me see it!”
Okay, we don’t expect you to know the difference between Sweet Sugarplum Lip Jam and Berry Blush Lacquer. But for God’s sake, when she wears a new sweater or curls her hair, it’s often for you, so good idea to take notice.
2. Treasure, Adore, and Worship Her
Women who have a thing for Latin men get the same kind of attention from gay men—without the hours of cunnilingus, of course.
The macho men of Latin America have a similar quality to gay men when it comes to how they lavish and adore. Gay men NOTICE (see above) every new purse and perfume. They also adore and worship, like Latin lovers. They hold our hands and compliment the manicure. They finger our necklaces and earrings. They inhale our perfume. They hold our scarf to their face. They touch our hair. They adore our curves. They say something about their affection every five minutes.
You don’t have to act in a way that isn’t natural to your culture or sexual orientation. But increasing even slightly the attention you pay to our beauty and bodies will go a very long way!
3. Be Candid about Kink
Gay men aren’t shy about expressing their tastes and flavors. They possess a kind of sexual confidence and don’t pass a lot of judgement on the practices of others in bed. Most poly guys are already flexible in the bedroom, but in case you are still reserved about sharing your fantasies or trying new adventures with her, loosen up and show her that you’re willing to explore your kinks together.
Read: 4 Tips for Sharing Your Fantasies
4. Enjoy a Range of Lovers
Still deciding whether you are poly, or if you can live with the natural jealousy you might feel with a lover who has other lovers? Many gay men have been poly since the get go, partly because, hey, they’re both men and love a little variety, and partly because they have existed outside the mainstream social expectations.
Take it from her best friends: polyamory is natural and rewarding. We don’t have to limit ourselves or battle constant insecurity or jealousy—pleasure can triumph over those monsters!
Read: 4 Jealousy Trigger and How to Deal
5. Use Conversation to Deepen the Relationship
Women express intimacy through communication and sharing their thoughts and feelings whereas men prefer to show love through action and are allergic to the words “let’s talk.”
Okay, I’m generalizing, but it’s kind of true. Sure, there are women who are less chatty and guys who like to talk super deep. But it’s one area that we differ with often, and it’s an area that is easy to expand in and get closer. You don’t have to do much of anything except put a bit more time into talking… and listening.
It may seem like your wife and gay friend are vapidly yapping it up about so and so and who’s wearing what. But they are navigating the world together and solving problems as a team.
Read: 3 Ways to Build Intimacy in Poly Relationships
6. Recognize Her Appreciation of Male Beauty
Although you may see them holding hands, touching, giggling, and looking as if they’re crushing hard, if you ask your girlfriend if she and her BFF sleep together, you will get an evil look, trust me.
They aren’t! Women and their friends, gay or straight, can be very hands on and affectionate. Notice how she and her sister hug and snuggle, and they aren’t sleeping together! That said, both of them notice guys together, and they do it with nitty gritty laser attention.
You’ve heard me say that a sense of humor is far more sexy to a woman than his wallet size or waist size or dick size, and ultimately that is true. But she does love the raw ingredients of male sexuality and physical beauty too.
Gay porn is one manifestation of male sexuality and male beauty that women consume like crazy. Up to a third of the market in gay porn is consumed by female audiences! We love the virility of it, the taboo, the penetration, the lack of female objectification, and the muscles and dick.
You don’t have to be a gay male porn star to measure up. Just leave the lights on now and again. If she asks you to dress up like a fireman or construction worker, go for it and show her what you got.
Does your partner have a a gay friend that you have learned from? Please share!
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