Have you ever been with a lover and had difficulty sharing what really turns you on? It isn’t easy for anyone, especially at the beginning of a relationship. This is because most people are afraid of their partner’s reaction. Will she think I’m a weirdo? Will he dump me if I tell him my secret fetish? The good news is, there are steps you can take that will make it simpler and almost guarantee a warm response. With my recent lover, I have been using this advice because there is always a little anxiety.
1. Let the sexual dust settle. Getting to know someone intimately takes time. Learn the lay of the land (your lover’s body and how to please them) before you let your fetish or fantasy out of the bag. This will ensure that your partner isn’t overwhelmed too quickly. It also gives you something to secretly look forward to.
2. Talk about sex outside the bedroom. Talking about sex can almost be as good as the real thing. I had a friend who for years I talked sex with. It eventually boiled over and became one of the best sexual relationships I’ve ever had. Some people may feel comfortable talking about their fantasies in an environment that doesn’t suggest expectation.
3. Go the tame route first. When you do reveal your sexual proclivities, you may want to share something either somewhat mainstream such as a foot fetish or something softcore such as role playing. If you start by telling your lover that you want to tie them up in chains and flog them, it might send them running. Most kinky relationships are a path of exploration as trust builds.
4. Play safe with no pressure. Be prepared to answer any of your partner’s questions, as well as to discuss any safety measures that may be necessary. Also, your lover may be curious but not quite ready to jump right in. Let them know there is no rush and that you are willing to go slow. If a lover has no desire to indulge your fantasy or does think you’re a weirdo, well, you may need to find someone else who does share your kinks.
Niche dating sites like BDSMDate.com make it easy to find partners who are into your kinks, fetishes, and fantasies. As a member, you’re able to be up front with who you are and the type of person you’re looking for.
How do you tell a new lover about your favorite kink?