When it comes to building sexual confidence, the legends and the greats have said damn near everything you need to know. But did you get the memo yet, or did you forget what you already know?
Or, maybe someone destroyed your self-esteem, or you are struggling with heartbreak. I don’t know what happened to you, but I do think there is an unspoken amount of emotional dysmorphia with the majority of society right now.
Some people have far too little confidence in their looks and personality while some have far too much. These drastic discrepancies between internal and external realities cause much drama, turmoil, and trouble between people trying to make friends and lovers.
One of my favorite legends was Sophia Loren. She said: “Sex appeal is 50% what you have, and 50% what people THINK you have!”
No matter who you are, there are some people who will like your looks, and the opposite. That being said, there is an infinite spectrum of self and sexual confidence a person can cultivate inside, and I have a few suggestions.
How to Build Sexual Confidence
1. Activate and Exercise
No matter who you are, what age you are, what abilities you have or physical condition you’re in: you can do some basic activation.
There are infinite exercises to do with weights, ropes, barbells, or stretches and routines that can be done at 1-5 minute intervals to keep blood circulating and muscles healthy. Do bicep curls with a can of soup if that’s all you have or can lift. Or follow the universal suggestion of 20-40 minutes of exercise 3 or 4 times a week.
Keeping the body moving is one of the first and best ways to give yourself confidence, whether or not you have weight loss goals or want to build muscle. Just “get through the door” like the world’s most complete fighter Scott Adkins says! Staying active is a collective challenge around the world, but it can make all the difference in how we feel about ourselves as individuals.
2. Flaunt Your Favorite Part
We all can list the parts of ourselves that we don’t like, but there is always SOMETHING you can focus on and highlight to your benefit! Your hair, lips, freckles, nails, breasts, arms, legs, feet, eyes, ass—whatever you want! Pick a body part and make it POP!
Nobody is perfect. It’s all about knowing what your strengths are, and then focusing on and exposing them. You don’t need to hide your flaws, and you don’t need to let them hold you back from shining!
Read: Boost Your Dating Confidence
3. Accessorize
Sparkle on a higher level with a little extra “je ne sais quoi”. Pull a Beyoncé or Jay-Z on your own level!
Your extra might be a piece of jewellery, clothing that draws attention to your awesome tattoo, a nipple piercing that no one sees but makes you feel cool. Maybe you have a special fragrance or cologne that gives you super powers that make people melt when you walk past them—spritz that pheromone on the nape of your neck and get to steppin’!
Add a little surprise to the persona you present in public, and don’t hold back! Be bold and spectacular as you dare to be with it.
Read: Chemistry and Attraction in Poly Hookups
4. Wear What Makes You Feel Comfortable
It’s not all about extras though. Make sure your basic clothing presentation is fitting to your spirit and your body.
You may go through phases and styles and that’s all fun, as well as a great way to expand your self-esteem, but if you’re a hippie this month and a goth the next month, make sure you are as deep in your essential understanding of how each expression matches the identity you want to display.
Friends and family may help with advice or encouragement, but anyone who is ridiculing you without ANY definitively constructive and gentle criticism isn’t anyone you need to listen to. If you want to wear big baggy jeans, then do it. Ask for opinions with a grain of salt, especially if you’re not getting the responses and results you want. If you are, then STRUT ON!
5. Socialize in Compatible Environments
People wonder why they don’t feel confident enough to pick someone up in a loud bar with lots of distractions, music, lights, drinks, and chaos.e
Even the most sexy and confident people have to deal with the bottom line—that it’s all a numbers game, and you have to keep shooting to score. We all want to succeed as smoothly as possible and knowing what places work best for you is where you begin.
Where do you feel at ease? A coffee shop? A bookstore? A concert? At work? On the subway? At the grocery store?
Honestly, relationships can start ANYWHERE if you are smart and smooth with your conversation and observation skills. Would you approach a beautiful woman at a funeral or work function, or somewhere else that is seen as risky? If you REALLY are feeling the magic, then think of a romantic approach and take a gamble!
Read: Where to Find Polyamorous People
Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing,” and I agree.
How do you build your sexual confidence and go after your dreams?
Sincerely yours,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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