Tips & Advice

How to Be Your Own Primary Partner

Woman with the Pants Unzipped

Do you consider yourself a good partner? Do you listen fully, love deeply and go that extra mile whenever possible to make those you care about feel cherished and desired?

If you answered yes, could you say the same about the relationship you have with yourself?

Self-love is a tricky thing. We’re told it’s crucial to being a happy human being, yet we’re also taught from a very young age that self-sacrifice is the ultimate expression of love and that putting ourselves first is a selfish act.

I say fuck the haters and love yourself with total abandon. You can be your own primary partner!

Here are four ways to get started.

4 Ways to Be Your Own Primary Partner

1. Practice Self-Care

Take some of that nurturing energy you so lovingly direct at your partners and aim it at yourself. Cook a healthy meal and enjoy it while sitting outdoors, or in your jammies in front of the TV. Read a few chapters of that book you’ve been meaning to pick up, or treat yourself to a long, hot shower after a busy day.

Self-care and self-partnership doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s about listening to your body and giving it what it needs to stay happy and healthy. Be the best primary partner to yourself that you can.

2. Prioritize Me Time

If you practice solo polyamory and have a lot of partners, you might find that your calendar is filled with date night plans and other obligations that make it nearly impossible to carve out me time. Add to that the many expectations aimed at you with regards to availability—both emotional and physical—and you’re going to struggle with fitting in the self-care practices mentioned above.

Make it clear to your polycule that you require down time. Use your time management skills and put it in the shared calendar. Don’t apologize for keeping those dates that you make with yourself.

Read: 4 Tips for Carving Out “Me Time” in Your Poly Life

3. Honor Your Intuition

As your own primary partner, one of the most loving things you can do for yourself is to honor that little voice inside your head that knows and speaks the truth.

Never do something or stay in a situation that you know deep down is bad for you. What would you say to a partner who refused to heed their gut and, as a result, continued to betray themselves in various ways? You’d encourage them to make healthier choices, I’m sure!

As your own primary partner, the relationship you have with your own heart should be no different. Demand the very best for yourself, always.

Read: Polyamory Dating: Follow Your Intuition

4. Get Sexy Solo

We all know how important sex is to a healthy relationship. As a self-partnered polyamorist, spend time getting to know your body.

Experiment with toys! Develop fantasies that speak to your desires! Make a date with your hand that ends in an earthshattering orgasm (or two).

If masturbation doesn’t come naturally, or you feel it’s shameful, take it slow. Do what feels good to you, even if that’s simply cuddling up under the covers and having a nice long nap. There are plenty of ways to get intimate on your own, and the best thing about it is that you won’t have to fight about what movie to chill with beforehand.

Read: Kinky Masturbation Tips for Solo Love

Do you practice solo polyamory, or consider yourself your own primary partner?

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