Who among us hasn’t considered finding a fuck buddy? Sure, some people only enjoy sex if they’re in love, but sometimes when life feels overwhelming and we don’t have space in our hearts and minds for complex relationships, a friend to pass some sexy time with can be the perfect solution.
Here are some tips for making your FWB arrangement last, specifically in the context of polyamory.
4 Tips for Friends with Benefits
1. Keep It Sexy
Don’t talk about your day, or lean on one another for emotional support. Avoid the whole dinner and a movie thing, and don’t spend the night cuddled up together. If you find it hard to keep things casual, it could be because your needs extend beyond the physical. Maybe you’re lonely on a different level, or you crave romance and an emotional connection over sex itself.
The great thing about being poly is that you don’t have to search for that one elusive partner who checks off all your boxes. Appreciate your casual-sex connection for what it is, and seek out other people to satisfy your remaining needs.
2. Make Clear Boundaries
How many nights a week can you hook up? Are overnights permitted? Is this an open-ended arrangement, or one that’s meant to last a month or two? Maybe it sounds extreme, to hash things out in such a detailed and clinical manner, but ambiguity has felled many an FWB relationship.
Talk about boundaries and expectations early on, then revisit the conversation as needed. It takes courage, to admit you’ve developed feelings, or to confront your FWB if you suspect they have, but courage is paramount in navigating the potentially choppy waters of casual sex.
3. Respect Her Privacy
Be mindful of what you share with other partners, especially if you haven’t cleared it with your FWB—just because your arrangement is casual, it doesn’t mean that your attitude towards discretion should be.
If you intend to use your casual encounters to spice up an existing relationship, be up front about that. Let your fuck buddy know what you hope to gain from the experience—exposure to new techniques, sexy stories to tell—then let them decide if they want to get involved. Even in casual arrangements, the poly rules of transparency should apply, otherwise you’re just using someone to your own selfish ends.
4. Don’t Transition from Romantic Partners to FWB
If you want to engage in casual sex, do it with someone you’re not already close to. Find an acquaintance whose friendship doesn’t mean the world to you, or go online to find a sexy stranger who wants the same thing you do, otherwise you’ll end up heartbroken and ruing the day you ever thought you could have meaningless sex with someone you actually cherish.
It’s a hard thing to find—someone you care about enough to fuck properly, but not enough to get attached. If you do make that kind of connection, don’t waste it. Give thanks to the casual sex gods, and enjoy every minute of it!