Tips & Advice

4 Things to Share before Committing to a New Poly Relationship

Happy Woman on First Date

The rush of new love is like no other. It makes us feel strong and weak at the same time: capable of overcoming any obstacle in our path to fulfillment, yet powerless to change course. The whole experience is all consuming and, as such, can make us overlook some of the more practical details related to overall compatibility.

Before you go all in, have a serious conversation about the following things. Take care of the nitty gritty now, so you can move forward knowing that you did your due diligence.

4 Things to Share before Committing

1. Emotional and Physical Availability

Don’t assume that you and your new love are on the same page when it comes to the parameters of your relationship. There are only so many hours in a day, and between work, life and other loves, time spent together can get a little tight.

Be honest right from the start about how many dates a week you can commit to, and if you’re open to a fully emotional connection with room to grow. If you are looking for casual sex and know that you can’t offer anything more, be clear about that.

2. Libido Strength

Speaking of sex, how much do you really need it? New relationship energy (NRE) doesn’t last forever, and claiming that you’re “insatiable,” only to prove later on down the line that you really only need sex once or twice a month, is bound to create some issues.

Have the conversation, no matter how awkward it is, and don’t fall victim to the lie that manhood is measured by how much you need to get laid. If your goal is to find partners whose sexual rhythms match yours, you must be willing to get real.

3. Love Languages

In his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,  Gary Chapman discusses five different ways in which each of us understand love: quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation.

Think about what means the most to you in your intimate relationships, then share your insights with your new partner. If you aren’t sure, take the quiz to find out. It’s important to know each other’s love languages, as it could reduce the prevalence of conflicts and misunderstandings between you.

4. Stress Response

How do you react when the going gets tough? Do you shut down and refuse all help? Do you become hyper focused on the problem at the expense of all else? Maybe you’re great in a crisis—super calm and collected—but it comes at the cost of being overly vigilant and anxious the rest of the time?

We all handle stress and conflict differently, and being able to name your respective coping strategies can really help you be there for one another. It can also help you identify potential areas of conflict based on your differing approach to things.

What additional things would you share before committing to a partner? Leave us a comment!

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