The Invisible Line Between Love and Sex
“Those are fightin’ words!!!”
The Yosemite Sam in my heart came out when someone recently said to me “You can’t love more than one person! You are going to give your heart and soul to everyone? Are you going to visit them all in the hospital if they all get sick? Do you treat all your lovers the same?”
And I honestly thought in my head: “YES. Yes to all of your questions. Yes, to the absolute best of my abilities, within the boundaries of time and space. Why would I not?”
And this person was a monogamous woman in her mid-40’s, in a long-term stable relationship… but not a marriage. And from the looks of it, marriage would be the death of the domestic situation she now enjoys… but that’s another relevant discussion for another conversation!
Anyways, it was said that I could not love a variety of people on the same level. And I think that’s the primary point in which monogamous people confuse polyamory: not everyone has the same needs!!! No family has children that are all the same age, that all eat the same amount of food, and are all interested in the same hobbies, and have the same friends, and require the same amount of attention, and request the same amounts of affection! Every relationship has a different formula, and just because more chemical elements are added to one formula, does not mean that the formula will spoil or explode. It may mean it becomes more potent, more powerful, and more potentially satisfying to drink!
In love, the entire mind, body and soul is supposed to open itself to unselfishly offer its every blissful gift, imperfectly generous blessing and some particular form of humble human generosity to the receiver of the love. I believe this is a fundamental reality in the definition of love, that mysterious, nebulous and undefinable secret of the stars and earth.
In sex, the entire mind, body and soul is supposed to open itself unselfishly to offer its every blissful gift, imperfectly generous blessing and some particular form of humble human generosity to the receiver of the sex. I believe this is a fundamental reality in the definition of sex… FOR ADDI STEWART. I do realize that some people don’t even give their entire body to sex, much less their mind (god forbid the soul is seen or touched! Never that). I am fully aware that some people have never ever in their life experienced, thought or desired their sexual experiences to exist on that level of connection and sharing. And I can’t and won’t judge their sex lives.
That being said: their perception can NOT even possibly come close to imagining the physical possibility, much less perceiving the functioning practical reality of a polyamorous relationship full of committed love and sex with every single person involved!
I would give any of my polyamorous partners anything I could. And if I couldn’t, I would explain exactly why I didn’t think it was a good idea to give them what they asked for. And this isn’t because they are polyamorous lovers who are not as high of a priority to my heart or soul or pocket. I mean it in the sense that I would do the exact same thing to any other family member or friend (and have had to do it), and drawn boundaries and lines of how much or little I could or couldn’t give to another. And that’s how it is with ALL relationships, whether polyamorous or monogamous.
Monogamous people seem to not value the idea of negotiating and committing care and concern to simultaneous romantic relationships… like in Ghostbusters, when Egon says “don’t cross the streams!!!”
But remember what happened at the end of Ghostbusters?
They had to cross the streams to beat Gozer and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! And they survived the explosion when they did cross the streams, it was essential for them to survive, ha ha!
But seriously: I suggest monogamous people resist the urge to judge the possibilities of polaymorous relationships… especially if they have never been in them!
If you have only shared sex and barely love with one person, there isn’t much space or place for you to speak on others who share lots of love and lots of sex with multiple people.
In love and sex,
What’s your experience with being in multiple relationships? Are you able to spread the love?