Commitment in Polyarmory Relationships

Polyamorous Monogamy (Living The Best of Both Worlds)

What’s the one thing we all want when we enter a relationship? Consistency.

The thought that, “if we (hopefully!) go to bed with someone, and literally and figuratively sleep with them, they will be there in the morning” kind of consistency, know what I mean, jellybean?

The “their word is their bond and I don’t have to worry about them betraying me and sleeping with my sexy younger sister/brother/best friend when I go out of town for the weekend” kind of consistency, right?

The “consistently love, nurture, respect, communicate, express, sacrifice, balance, and evolve” type of constant commitment to the relationship type stuff that eternal dreams, strong marriages, and tear-jerking movies are made of.

With the eternal fluctuations of damn near everything in the universe: weather, favorite TV shows, sports teams (yet in Toronto, they are more often consistently disappointing), acquaintances, gas prices, etc., there are few things more comforting to the heart, soul, and base of the skull than the perfect, pristine, bulletproof security of a beautiful connection between you and your significant other(s).

And there’s the rub.

It’s hard enough to find a good, honest, solid partner in a monogamous scenario these days… raise your hand if you have found it equally as easy to create a consistent polyamorous scenario for yourself and MORE than one partner!

*tumbleweeds… crickets*?

Ha ha. I don’t believe there is a plethora of long-term polyamorous relationships that remain rigid, experimental, AND satisfying for groups of 4, 5, or 6 and more. I was blessed enough to be in a sexually polyamorous situation with three lovers for a period of 8 months straight, and I did NOT take a moment of that divine pyramid for granted!

I say all this to say: is it possible to achieve the supreme balance of the day-to-day consistency of a monogamous relationship in the fluid, freedom-promoting and infintely-flexible framework of polyamory?

There have to be ways to do it, and I know a few people who have set up the kind of ultra-rare scenario where they live together and sleep together every night, but allow each other the freedom to go out and responsibly meet other people to their heart’s content, and engage in sexual/emotional/intellectual connections of any and every combination. I do not know what manner of otherworldly magic one has to manifest to inspire someone to take the dream leap into super love, but… I can’t give up on the hope that it can manifest for me too! Just ask the universe, right? Okay, I’m doing that *closes eyes and prays for unicorn lover*

I speak of this very delicate high wire act because in some ways, I feel that we trade aspects of security in others with utmost security in ourselves for the freedom of multiple choice lovers and the random chances within the choose-your-own-adventure scenarios of polyamory, instead of choosing the happily-ever-after movie script that monogamy offers. And it’s worth it, especially if you have discovered a community of folks who are all on the same wavelength and share similar values. Then your chances of intimate consistency rises quite fortuitously. But if not…

Keep dreaming, praying, and seeking.

It’s summertime. Maybe seeing all these couples walk around hand-in-hand is making me pine for the stability of that situation. But if it’s with a woman who isn’t comfortable with me not ignoring the splendiferous beauty that abounds in our environment, as well as doesn’t take time out for herself to cherish and appreciate the men and/or women and all other beautiful people in the world… then do I want to be holding hands with her and her alone?

Not so much.

But the consistency of holding someone’s hand every summer evening is a nice thought…

Another “the grass is always greener” moment, brought to you by Addi Stewart, ha ha.

The great thing is, I know that the yard of every single relationship takes work to keep green and clean, whether monogamous or polyamorous!

My kingdom for a consistent free spirit!

Always in Love,
Addi Stewart

Tell us what you think

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments