Being a thoughtful person in your day-to-day life will always make you stand out – with your friends and with your partner or partners, if you’re polyamorous. With multiple partners you may find your acts of thoughtfulness fall by the wayside or get stretched so thin, they aren’t recognizable to anyone. Busy lives and outside influences like work demands, children, and unexpected woes can make one introspective and detached, hence our thoughts and thoughtful actions towards others can dissipate, sometimes without us even noticing until a lover or friend blurts it out in an unexpected argument.
Of course, when a partner is feeling neglected or hurt, they should always express these feelings – most of us aren’t mind readers. But being a little more cognizant of our expressions (and they only have to be small) towards our loved ones is an easy task that brings great reward. Many of my relationships that went south were because I felt my lovers were thoughtless (in and out of the bedroom!) Reminding your partner(s) that you’re thinking of them even when you’re not physically together is a great way of bonding and loving.
So how can you do this? Do something for your lover that you know is on her to do list? Even better, something she’s really not into doing. It can be something as mundane as cleaning out the fridge. If you want to get a little sexy, why not suggest shaving her pubic hair in bed (you both might enjoy the results of this one!) Think about the little gestures you did when you first met, these shouldn’t stop as a relationship evolves. Another suggestion is to write little notes on scraps of paper and leaving them for your lover to find throughout the day. This takes no time and it will brighten her day. And one thing about thoughtful gestures – never expect or ask anything in return; it’s the selflessness that makes it special.
Sometimes couples who feel that they’re at the point of no return don’t realize that becoming more thoughtful in their relationship can be the starting point to saving the union. And it can be fun… finding new ways to surprise, impress, and let the object of your affection know she’s on your mind even when she’s not in close proximity.
I went on a first date the other day and had left my cell phone at his house. After a long day of work, he drove the phone all the way across town to bring it to me. This impressed me and showed a little bit about his character. A second date is coming! See? It doesn’t take much.
Do you have any tips for being a thoughtful partner?
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