In my last post, I wrote tips for secondary partners, and that’s all fine and good, but what if you’re still struggling to find yourself a couple (primary partner) to form a poly triad. You guessed it. It’s not as easy as it sounds. The process can be daunting and at times frustrating, but I’m here to tell you, with the right approach you’ll be all good in no time.
Tips for finding a couple that is just right for you
What Do You Want… Do You Really Really Want?
Ok, there are possibly millions of polyamorist couples in the world. So what? Do you think you’re going to like and get along with all of them? Of course not! Just because a couple is willing to add a third doesn’t mean it’s going to be with just anyone! And you have your own standards, right? If you want a blonde haired big-breasted wife with a husband who just wants to watch then it’s best not to approach a bisexual husband and wife. Sounds obvious, but I’ve forgotten to read the fine print on occasion and have encountered scenarios I wasn’t totally comfortable with. You have the resources at your fingertips which I’m about to get to below. Use them to find EXACTLY what you want. Yes. Exactly. The dating websites out there are overflowing with poly couples looking for you!
Where For Art Thou?
Consider the web is definitely your friend when looking for the primary couple of your dreams. I use Polyamory.Meetup.com because it caters to specific locations and is a high traffic site for polyamorists all over the world. Another site worth checking out is Polyamorydate.com; they make it easy to navigate through their huge database of primaries. I’ve met many a great poly couple using both of these sites. Have patience. You’re not going to find what you’re looking for right away unless you’re really lucky. Eventually, my dears, you will find what you’re after.
Terms Of Endearment
Look for a couple whose poly values match your own. If you’re serious about a prospective couple, make sure that’s what they’re looking for, not just a “hit and run” poly one night stand. In your initial conversations, clarify what’s missing from their online profile. Ask questions. Trust me, you’ll save yourself many an uncomfortable situation.
They Get Around?
The two most important things for me as a secondary partner are 1) that my primary couple has enough time for me and 2) that I am their only secondary. I strongly advise not getting involved with a couple who have multiple secondary partners. Often some of those relationships are shaky and like a domino effect can affect all their other relationships. I don’t mind sharing with SOME, I mean, isn’t that what polyamory’s all about, but just not TOO MANY, ya dig? It can make you feel neglected even if you’re not the sensitive type.
Check out: New Poly Relationship Tips
Well, there you have it. Hope I’ve been of some help. Any other tips you can share for finding a primary couple?