It’s a new year with new relationship possibilities. Are you and your poly partner ready to get out there and find your ultimate third? Maybe a unicorn. Like any new relationship, it takes time to develop and a little nurturing.
Tips for New Poly Relationships
Prolong the Honeymoon
It’s so easy to go hog wild with a new partner – NRE, here I come! But there is such a thing as too much, too soon. The honeymoon phase only lasts for so long, so why not extend it as long as you can. You can do this by seeing your new “friend” often, but also by taking small breaks to keep the excitement alive. If you’re dying to see them tomorrow, or vice versa, wait until the day after tomorrow. It’s hard, but the anticipation is worth it.
Give Space to One Another
Remember, this person had a full active life before you met them, and so did you. Avoid the enmeshment which occurs when two people’s lives become so entwined that both partners feel suffocated. Enjoy individual activities and don’t forget about your primary partner; they have the challenge of dealing with their feelings around your new relationship and will require a little more TLC during this time.
Balance Sex and Intimacy
These are not the same thing, and you can have one without the other. Of course, the chemistry might be through the roof and you just can’t help jumping into bed every chance you get, but that’s not what it takes to build a solid foundation that will lead to a lasting relationship. Make plans together that involve both your interests, teach each other, and try new adventures together. Day-to-day activities may sound boring, but these actually help connect people emotionally.
Discuss Feelings 3-Way
Talk with all your partners as you move along in a new relationship, a checking-in of sorts. Discuss any feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, or anger that may be arising with the change in group dynamics. Even polys aren’t immune to these feelings and talking about them helps to work them through. Don’t go behind anyone’s back or use one person as a messenger to relay feelings or thoughts. I encourage 3-way discussions , especially if you see this triad has long-term potential.
New relationships are fragile, so handle with care and be patient.
What tips can you share for developing new relationships?