Polyamory is all about the love, not necessarily sex (but of course, that’s nice too). Poly primaries and even poly singles want to form deep connections with more than one person, but along the way there must be such a thing as the poly one night stand.
Just such an experience happened to me that I would like to share. My high school was hosting its 15-year reunion recently and I received an invite. The invitation wasn’t from the school, but from a girlfriend I was close to in my junior and senior years. We were very tight but lost touch after I moved out of state.
I showed up to the event early and didn’t recognize anybody I knew or maybe they just looked so different. I had a few glasses of the spiked punch to calm my nerves and stood alone feeling like a dance wallflower. As people walked by I realized I’d forgotten my name tag. That might have helped.
That’s when Jen ran over and gave me a big hug. Wow! She looked great and she wasn’t alone. She introduced her partner, Ryan – a big burly lumberjack type with a warm smile. I’ll skip the boring catching up on old memories part. We left early and went back to their place, a small cottage bungalow surrounded by a couple of acres.
I asked the usual marriage kids questions and that’s when they told me they were polyamorists, didn’t believe in marriage and were looking for a third to share their love and life with. I told them I was actually blogging about polyamory, learning about the lifestyle as I went.
When I asked about interview them, Ryan cut me off to tell me Jen had always talked fondly about me and they wondered if I might be a potential third. I felt blindsided but then again I was always the last to realize when a guy was keen on me.
I turned red, and we all laughed which broke the ice. I was super comfortable with Jen and felt like no time had passed and Ryan was warm, nurturing, and attentive to both of us. Of course, my mind raced ahead – How would this work? Would I have to move closer? Would I only sleep with Ryan or did they see me as a poly unicorn? All of a sudden I felt like I was back in high school with zero dating experience. I kept all this to myself and eventually focused on enjoying the night.
To tell you the truth, I don’t know how we all ended up in their king size bed, but we did. It just felt natural. I thought, these two know what they’re doing! Ryan made love to me and after Jen played with my hair (oddly enough, braiding it the same way she used to way back when). It was the most romantic love making I’d experienced in a long time – very sensual. I thought I could get used to this, but could I get used to being a third? I was in awe of their relationship – the way they communicated without talking. I guess some polys become thirds first and then find a primary after.
I had to catch a flight early the next morning, so many questions were left unanswered. Jen sent flowers a few days later, but we haven’t spoken since. I’m still not sure what I want.
I didn’t know a lot about the poly lifestyle until I began writing posts for Polyamory Today, but it’s been a real eye opener and I still wonder if poly is more suited to my ideals and what I really want. It’s an ongoing exploration…
When and how did you know polyamory was right for you?