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10 Signs to Slow Down in Your Polyamory Relationship

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Holy Poly, Batman!
10 Signs to Slow Down

The polaymorist sex life: it can get wild. It can get magnificent. It can get dreamy beyond your most extreme fantasies. It can also get out of control!

There comes a time where everyone must stop, and reflect.

The poly people I know often say “I need to process what is happening. Give me some time…”

And that’s often a truly necessary activity: to stop and internally absorb and reflect on the enlightening new intimate experiences that can and will manifest from time to time, if not all the time, in beautiful healthy polyamorous relationships.

But if someone is just going all out, and taking and fucking and playing and sucking and partying and connecting and exploring and engaging and interacting and consuming human sexual energy like there’s no tomorrow, and not checking in with their partners emotionally and verbally, and not balancing out their perspectives, and communicating their evolving truths as they are understood, then… before the joy crashes and burns, hopefully the person learns to slow their roll just a notch. A few days or a few weeks, if not a few months can be exactly what someone needs to reflect on what kind of impact they are having on the others around them, and on themselves.

There is a serious, unspoken truth that I do believe, but articulate with an optimistic grain of salt, and it is: a man or a woman carries the spiritual and personal energy of everyone they have slept with as their love life happens. This can lead to the best of times, and it can lead to the worst of times. And if you can relate to any of these signs, then it’s time to re-evaluate thyself, and try to be more delicate in the impact you are making on the hearts of those around you. Nobody said anyone has to stop anything. But a moment of reflection is always a good idea. Especially in polyamory!

So, be real with yourself. Do you suffer from any of these 10 issues?

1.  Your diet is suffering to the point where you can’t provide the energy to interact with your lovers.

2.  Your sleep schedule is suffering to the point where you are not actually healthy.

3.  You are unable to be present and alert in your intimate encounters because of internal issues.

4.  You can’t afford the social night life and dating, so you are constantly over-spending.

5.  You are not able to spend time with anyone else besides the people you are having sex with.

6.  You are mixing up the names of your partners in moments of intimacy.

7.  You are getting jealous of your partners for doing other things with other people.

8.  You are using the possibility of multiple partners to overcompensate for something you’re lacking.

9.  You contract an STI and you are offered the opportunity to take a time out and heal, but you don’t want to.

10. Your reputation is suffering in the poly community, yet you do not seem to care.

I hope not! Because these are some burning red flag waving signs that a person is not in a state of positive polyamory and is not presently the best choice of person to spend time with…

If there was a Polyamory “No List” like there is a Sex Worker’s “No List”, then your name might end up on it, if your activities are too selfish and irresponsible! Then it takes a fair amount of time, trust, and truth for you to re-establish what was once regular. Not everyone is operating at the same speed of sex, and with the discrepancies between what women can achieve in relation to what men must uphold, underneath the shadow of misogyny and hypocrisy, then making sure we are all playing and dancing and fucking together while growing at similar speeds is crucial to keeping it all in together now…

There are more signs and habits and poor decisions that are telltale signs that someone might be more appropriately be needing a cuddle night instead of an orgy. Let your people know how you feel, and let your self say what you want. And please know, there is NO judgement of ANY woman or man’s prolific sexuality, god no. People should spread their wings and elevate to the sexual levels they seek most. Know that I’m not trying to stop anyone from flying! I’m just trying to keep the polyamorous flock migrating in harmony!

Polyamory can be love in the superhighway fast lane. Know how to slow down before you learn how to speed up!

In love,
Addi Stewart

Tell us what you think! 2 Comments

  1. TnT

    June 2, 2014 at 5:27 am

    Alot of good facts! If you are in a relationship must have balance in the love making and freaky nights!!

  2. stella

    November 28, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    This is so confusing. It really just seems like people just want to fuck all the people they want. And if you don’t agree, then you are uptight and selfish. Yet when I look at threads on message boards, someone is always screwing over someone “accidentally” or falling in love and want to change the rules. Or I meet the guys who think polyamory is calling me at 11pm to see what I’m doing. Or they lie about building a relationship, when they really are just huge geeks who couldn’t get laid when they where younger, and they suck in bed (hence the reason wifey doesnt want to fuck them.) And they think it’s okay to just pick anyone for their personal bedpost notches to have a so called play toy. News flash boys, if you want a toy you need to come to the party knowing how to play all the moves.

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