“Who was that?” I asked my partner after we crossed paths with some guy she knew.
“Just a guy I played with,” she told me. “Nothing worthy to report.”
It’s true there’s crossover, but being poly isn’t quite the same as being a swinger. Usually it’s instead about multiple committed relationships, and although polys swing, extra-curricular group-play is usually done amongst other poly friends.
Usually. Not always. My partner and I will both venture into pick-up land once in a while. The reason is simple: we’re always on the lookout for new like-minded and compatible dirtybirds. But we hardly find it necessary to invite these stragglers into the fold, let alone provide a blow-by-blow report. As always, the law of averages will ensure there’ll be more duds than keepers.
Here’s our process:
Try them out first as lovers. Isn’t fuckability the whole point? See if they enjoy sex the same way you and your lover do. Same desires? Interested in what you have to offer? Fun times? Your new potential lover has just passed step one.
Get to know them as people. In the real world this should always come first, but in sex-town it’s the chaser. It was awesome in the sack, but is this potential lover a pleasure to be around? Funny? Smart? Respectful? Would we enjoy his/her company in a non-sexual environment? If so, step three awaits.
Different kicks. Can I learn anything new from this lover? New tricks? Sexual positions? Fantasies that had never crossed my mind (if that’s possible)? If so, it opens all sorts of new possibilities to add to your primary bedtime activities.
Only after this sort of screening will the new lover be formally introduced to our mix. Too early, and/or without this sort of vetting, will put your own judgment into question.
But if you find a keeper, your primary lover will be most grateful. Have a go with just the three of you first. If your primary also approves, then it’s time to formally unleash your new toy at the next sex party.
As for the duds: chalk them up to experience. Your partner will forgive you — polys are so understanding about stray shags.
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