If it sometimes seems like your dating profile never gets noticed, it’s only natural to wonder if you’re missing something. Worse, you might think it’s you.
Online dating can be stressful, and if you are also new to the poly lifestyle, you may be struggling. Here are some tips to help you navigate the world of online dating.
Don’t take it personally.
This is HARD. How can you not take it personally when no one answers? You put your heart—and your hard on—out there, and it seems like everyone else is getting together for love or sex. What gives?
But it’s NOT personal. People don’t know you from a hole in the wall. Ideally, your profile will work for you, but whether it’s a great poly profile or a haphazard one, people who aren’t responding aren’t reacting to YOU. They don’t know you. They’ve never met you.
Take crappy responses or rejection as a cue to work on your profile.
If you’re getting next to nothing in response, or only hearing from poly folks who aren’t anything like what you’re looking for, get the message!
You can tell a lot about the message you’re sending by the messages you’re getting in reply.
Stand out from the crowd with specifics.
If you spend a lot of time reading profiles, you know they all start to sound alike after awhile.
Don’t shy away from conveying your specific qualities and interests.
Every guy out there has a profile that says, “My friends say I’m decent looking. I enjoy spending time with family and friends. I’m looking for women or couples for fun and romance.” You need to give some actual details!
If you’re not getting the responses you want, maybe you don’t really want what you think you want.
My poly friend Jim has been living an adventurous life for a long time,and I always love listening to and learning from his sexcapades. But then he started turning down a number of tempting offers from sexy couples looking for dirty hookups.
He clued into the why of it before I did. “You know what? I think I’ve gotten tired of being the third wheel on the wagon,” he said. Jim had never been the one in the couple—always the unicorn. But our desires and needs change, and our profiles need to keep pace with those changes.
Jim changed his profile to say he was looking for a serious relationship with a woman who enjoyed occasional threesomes or orgies with other poly couples and singles. Soon he’ll be walking down the aisle with a sweet redheaded woman who is bisexual, and a tiger in the sack.
Answer other profiles.
Seems like an easy solution, right? But too many of us sit around waiting for the perfect match in our inbox, and never bother responding to other profiles.
Part of this reflects exactly why we need to be specific and up to date in our own profiles—you aren’t responding to generic profiles because they don’t tell you enough to pique your interest.
You might need to go out on a limb and respond to profiles that seem like possible fits, even if there isn’t much info. If you see a picture of someone you like, or if a generic profile might prove suitable, then make the move and respond.
If someone looks attractive to you but you can’t tell much about her, go ahead and ask some questions to find out the things you want to know.