Are you a couple looking to date another couple?
The subject of couples dating other couples comes up frequently in polyamory communities or different non-monogamous dating scenarios.
Different Ways Couples Dating Couples Comes Up
An individual who is part of a couple may date someone and find that their partners also connect. The couple ends up dating the other couple.
A couple may have one or both bisexual partners and decide to date other couples together.
A couple may be interested in swinging and enjoy the social and romantic aspects of dating another couple while exchanging partners for sexual enjoyment.
Read: Swinger Lifestyle 101: All About Swingers
A single person may be dating several people at one time and end up forming a partnership with one lover and a triad with a couple, and those couples end up dating together.
Couples may be seeking another couple to form a closed polycule, so they can enjoy multiple partners in a safe sex context.
A long-term married couple may decide to become polyamorous, but want to connect with other lovers together, rather than independently. So the couple decides to date another couple.
Read: Polyamorous Marriage: 8 Common Questions
A couple may simply find themselves very attracted to another couple and decide to consider dating them.
Benefits of Couples Dating Couples
For couples dating another couple, there are many benefits and rewards.
Generally speaking, for polyamorous people, extending their romantic and sexual relationships beyond one person feels natural and authentic.
Couples who are very close or who are committed to each other as primary partners may prefer dating couples together and connecting that way, rather than having individual and independent affairs on their own.
Couples who enjoy group sex may enjoy the benefit of more than two.
Read: True Group Sex Stories from Our Readers
Bisexual polyamorous lovers may feel more fulfilled when they have the opportunity to experience that part of their identity, and even more so that it is something they share with their primary partner.
Many couples find dating other couples is simply fun. Flirting and socializing with another couple and enjoying favorite activities in a romantic setting adds important connections and joy to daily living.
Some couples find they grow closer and more intimate when they date together, experiencing their polyamorous natures together rather than separately.
Read: Still Deciding? Open Relationship Pros and Cons
Tips for Telling Your Partner You Want to Date Other Couples Together
For many couples, dating another couple is a subject that evolves fairly naturally from their shared desires and polyamory styles.
But some couples haven’t opened their relationship yet and one partner is curious about dating another couple. Others are polyamorous but focused on independent relationships, and want to try sharing the experiences together.
Some couples find one partner becomes curious about swinging and wants to give it a try.
Read: Swinger Date Ideas for Swinging Couples
There are different ways that couples can communicate the desire to date other couples. Having ongoing discussions about satisfaction in the relationship, ways to expand social and sexual connection, sharing fantasies and social needs, and other open honest communication between lovers works wonders for staying in tune with each other.
One way to bring up your desire to date another couple is to simply share your attraction. “I was very attracted to both Beth and William at the dinner party. It seemed you enjoyed their company, too. Do you ever think about dating another couple together?”
Read: How to Ask for an Open Relationship
You can talk about how your partner feels about either group sex or a committed polycule arrangement, or both, and take it from there.
Decide In Advance Who Sleeps With Who
What does it mean to date another couple? Does it mean all four of you enjoy group sex together? Does it mean you exchange partners? Does it mean the women can enjoy their bisexual side as well as sleeping with both men? Does it mean the guys can have hot man-to -man action when their wives are at work? All of the above? Or just sexy socializing in a relaxed setting but nothing further?
It’s important to work out some of this in advance so no one ends up surprised. Maybe you’re open to any and all possibilities. Maybe you’re mostly expecting to switch partners time to time. Maybe you want the kind of relationship where you share finances, decision making, car pools, and childcare, and want to build something beyond sex.
Read: Polyamory Is More than Sex
It’s a good idea to consider your needs and expectations, and find out what your partner wants, or thinks you want. Then you can communicate it to couples you date and find out if you’re all on the same page.
Try Online Couple’s Dating on a Couples for Couples of Polyamory Niche Dating Site
Setting up a couple profile and actively looking for other couples seeking the same may be easier than surprising possibly monogamous couples at a party, depending on your community circles. Connect with other couples who are looking for couples, too.
Read: Polyamory Dating Sites: The Ultimate Guide
Try Swinging
If the social and sexual aspects of dating another couple really appeal to you but you aren’t looking for a committed relationship with another couple or for a polycule, swinging offers a wide variety of social adventures from parties to brunches to cruises.
Swingers understand that couples go home together after. Swinging is also highly social and is a great way to connect with like-minded people in fun settings, with hot sex to boot.
Read: How to Find Local Swinger Couples and Communities
Approach Couples You’re Interested In
If you’re attracted to a particular couple, there is no reason why you can’t ask them out. But don’t just dive in on unsuspecting monogamous couples with a hammer.
If you meet a couple you’re attracted to, be observant about clues that they are non-monogamous. If they are friends of friends, or at a swinger’s event, the information will obviously be more accessible.
But even if you’re just connecting at a pub with a couple at the next table over darts and chicken wings, there is no harm in politely bringing up the conversation. If you’re not sure of the signals, ask. When they offer their email address for future pub nights for example, you could say, “Are you and Dave interested in dating other people, or just playing darts? Kyle and I are polyamorous, but we don’t want to misinterpret wing night.”
Not everyone is comfortable with this kind of approach, of course, and you face rejection just as singles asking for more than friendship on an outing face rejection. However, chemistry is notoriously hard to interpret and candid honesty works well for some people.
Another, less confrontational way to approach a couple is to simply ask if they are polyamorous but in a neutral way, rather than when making plans for a meetup. “Kyle and I have an open marriage. Do you?”
Read: What Is an Open Relationship? An Introduction
Remember that dating is intimidating whether you are poly or not. Gay people look for clues that someone is gay before asking them out, and they may be wrong. A straight man may ask a woman out and learn she is already married. It’s no different. Yes, we can always go to couples looking for couples events when we find them. But sometimes it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Socialize in Polyamorous Settings
If the above scenario makes you cringe, socializing in polyamorous circles may be far more comfortable. Of course there are polyamorous people in every circle and setting, but it can be daunting to find them.
Connect with other polyamorous people. Let your poly friends know you are a couple open to or seeking dating another couple. Join brunches and BBQs, dances and mixers. Invite poly people to bring poly friends to your place for drinks. Get to know more poly people and their poly people, and so on.
Read: Double Dating Guide: The Best Double Date Ideas
Are dating another couple? Share your story and tips in the comments!
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