Scheduling Conflicts in Polyamory Relationships

When There is More Demand Than Supply: So Many Lovers, So Little Time

This one is for the Advanced Lovers!

So, you’ve been living the poly lifestyle for a few months or years now, and you’ve got some success in knowing who you are and what you want and what you can provide… this is amazing!

You’ve got a number of partners who like you, accept you, enjoy you, and share you in a healthy manner. And you are living the dream like you’ve never known or seen!

But then… you start getting REALLY good at this dream!

Your reputation is starting to spread…

Your experiences are starting to accumulate…

Your loving is starting to grow to deeper levels of joy…

With more people than you ever have loved and had sex with before!

So how do you deal with scheduling conflicts in a logical and honorable way?

I had a basic revelation from a plethora of beautifully difficult situations I had to handle this week… and I thought I’d share them with you, so you don’t ever deal with a heartbreak or an overlapping rendezvous, or even an incomplete emotional experience due to dysfunctional desire creation!

So, it’s Friday, and you have tentative plans with a lover tonight. Yay!

But then, another lover you have been courting and talking to, and making possible plans with for a future event says “oh, I know I said we might hook up next week Friday, but I had a cancellation THIS Friday, and I now have free time this Friday for you!”

When it rains, it pours brainstorms of great painful joy!

So, you have a few options:

1) Cancel the first rendezvous and experience the second one (highly NOT recommended, because you had already made plans with the first lover when you were free.)

2) Schedule them both to happen at different times and HONESTLY express your scheduling reality to BOTH of them when you see them (a possible option, but recommended only for an advanced individual who can live in the moment and not have emotions lingering from one lover to the next, and can focus on the connection being currently created…) It requires going on two dates in one day, and that’s really pushing the boundaries in my books, but it’s not impossible to do! One just has to be VERY focused and in the moment to honor and love them both as holistically and happily and healthily as romantically possible, which is what EVERY lover in your life deserves…

3) Cancel the second rendezvous, and experience the first one (another possible option, but truly a personal choice to be made depending on your value system and your emotional state with each lover… and yourself. You may want to request the second lover try to see you on the original date suggested, and you keep your original date for this Friday with your first lover. This is what a traditional polyamorist may select, and with good reason. There is much less complication and emotional overlap, but it may be less convenient for everyone’s schedule… it’s truly up to your own judgement to call!)

If you believe that there are problems that can arise by meeting with more than one lover per day, then the answer is clear for you: option three. But if you don’t feel a way about it, and your emotions, intentions and actions are clear and calmly calculated and chosen… then DO WHATEVER YOUR HEART DESIRES. Honestly. Tell them all what you are experiencing with them all. Share your scheduling struggles and organizing answers with them all!

There are no secrets that don’t have answers. And when it comes to time management in polyamory, one of the most basic, but unspoken and yet unpracticed possibilities for multiple partner conflicts is: “first come, first served.” You may have eleven lovers and only seven days in a week to love them! So, the first seven lovers to secure and cement plans with your heart are the first seven lovers you see that week! You may have special relations with one or two of them that you hold dear to your genitals and/or heart, or you may have promised to go somewhere extra special with one or two of your lovers, and you are thinking about that more than most other moments in your life… but KEEP YOUR SCHEDULING INTEGRITY, if you don’t want headaches and heartbreaks to dominate your dreamy days!

And with that being said… I’m going to experience option TWO tonight, and hopefully make a WHOLE lot of love to two beautiful angels today!!

God bless polyamory. I love it, and I love you for living and learning how to love better with me…

In joy,
Addi Stewart

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