Friends? How Many of us Polyamorous Folks Have Them?
So… have you lost anyone yet?
Not lost any polyamorous partners, no. There are no breakups in paradise polyamory… just a “trust switch!”
I meant: have you lost any FRIENDS yet?
As in, come out the poly closet and lost the connection to some people you thought would be okay with you being honest about your emotions and your sexuality?
It happens to the best and the worst of us, and there’s not much we can do, except… keep on living our dreams, and keep expressing the truth in our hearts!
Some people have friends that want their lives to seem almost identical. You know, we went to the same schools, we played at the same parks, we loved the same sports, we loved the same movies, we love the same music groups… all that good stuff. And sure, there is a joy and a valuable bond that is made with people who you share the same passions for in life, there CERTAINLY is!! Nothing in the world like finding the people who see the blessings and pleasures in reality, art, life and the universe the same way you do, and cherish and appreciate the same perspectives and thoughts that you do. It’s the joy of knowing that we are really not alone on this cold, wild animal planet!
But this hive mentality has a sinister side to it: what if we want something that our friends don’t want?
If all your friends played hockey when you were young, and then when you turned 16, you stopped loving pucks, sticks and ice skates and developed an insane passion for playing chess… what would you do? Continue to play hockey, without telling your friends, and half-heartedly keep going through the motions just to maintain your friendships? Sadly, many teens DO end up choosing to do whatever their social group does, instead of following their heart and their deepest desires. Because what are we without our friends?
Well, maybe you should also ask yourself: what are we without our DREAMS?
In polyamory, we are the minority in this society. In virtually ALL societies on earth, actually! So, if we reveal the actuality of our having multiple partners and multiple relationships, there is definitely the chance that someone you know is NOT cool with it. Your co-worker, your cousin, your mom, your dad, and maybe… your best friend in high school. Maybe they are married to their high school sweetheart, and have two kids with them already, while you are still exploring your own innate desires to feel connected to five people at once. Maybe you fell in love with the idea of polyamory and open relationships when you went to some post-grad sex party that your best friend didn’t participate in because she was with her sweetheart and all they did was be voyeurs to your multi-dimensional erotic awakening. Who knows what particular path of experience took you away from your friends, and who knows how much further it will take you? The point is: BE A FRIEND TO YOURSELF, ABOVE ALL.
One, you always need to be happiest with the skin of the person’s soul you are living in. Two, I personally think a true friend would respect your choices regardless of how similar or different they are to that friend’s choices, and just find a way to balance (or not discuss, if you must) the peculiarities of your particular relationships. And three, I say “judge not lest ye be judged,” and that applies to poly friends as well as non-poly friends in life!
If someone can’t be happy for your relationships and your love life, then I am not that sure they qualify to be considered worthy of the honor of being called a friend. But that’s just me! I can be friendly to someone who isn’t cool with my polyamorous life, but I can’t say they are my genuine friend… even if I love them and wish them well in life!
God bless the friends and people in your life who support your heart, your truth, your lovers, your other friends, your relationships and your choices, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE POLYAMOROUS. Cherish those people. Let them know how much you appreciate their open mindedness and their understanding of your desires.
Those types of friends are the BEST in the world!
Talking Polyamory on a First Date
In love,
Addi Stewart
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