Saying Goodbye to a Lover


Have you ever had to say your last goodbye to a lover?

Did you know it was coming, or did you just discover it was goodbye after a tragedy or a life-altering event?

Whether you are breaking up temporarily, permanently, or your lover has gone somewhere you will never see them again, there are ways and means to prepare your soul and your heart for the impact of emotion and the necessary acceptance of energy changing to an eternally new level.

I recently went through a breakup aka a “trust switch” (where we switch the foundation of the relationship, and I trust that we will still both be friends). Actually it was more like a revelation of change inside the opportunity for evolution. We were wonderful lovers! Ever since New Year’s Day, this brilliant and hilarious woman has been making my life a thousand times better with all the adventurous sexual exploration she was doing to me…

But after months and months of magnificent sex, BDSM play, anal play, fetish play, sex clubs and extreme fantasy creation… our lives just got too busy to keep up! We had a few cancellations that happened in a row, due to some unforeseen circumstances and some unfortunate scheduling conflicts, and it just got to the point where she wanted more of my time and energy than I was possibly able to offer to our relationship. It wasn’t anything personal, it was just time to either get more or give up, I guess. And I can understand her choice, absolutely. A woman needs what a woman needs! And if she isn’t getting it from one place, she will go elsewhere to get it, please believe it! And she has every right and responsibility to her own happiness to satisfy these needs of hers. I couldn’t be there, it just became impossible. So, she called me last week, and said: “we have to talk.”

Gulp. Yup. “THOSE” words were dropped into my ear like the bomb a romantic heart never wants to hear. And BOOM. The damage was done like dinner!

We talked. She said: “I need more of you and of us.” I said: “I just can’t right now, it’s not that I don’t want to!” And after about 10 minutes of truly wonderful negotiation, reflection, laughter, sadness, understanding, hope, joy and disappointment, we both realized that we cannot be together at this point in time. It’s just not possible. We couldn’t even arrange a time to meet up and have this discussion in person, so we could look each other in the eyes and hold hands one last time while we were kissing the relationship adieu! It was too hectic to end it in person… but there is no question we ended it with the full intention to continue the friendship. That’s the part I love most about it: it was absolutely genuine emotional confession that took our heart and lives in a new direction.

I saw her the next day for a special ceremony for a mutual lover, and when we saw each other, it was perfect bliss and pure joy. There was not fraudulent emotion or fake happiness. It was actual and honest concern and care for each other and it was amazingly healing and uplifting for the both of us. We were both so happy to be together, even if our final agreement was to no longer be intimately, sexually connected to each other. Every other connection was still open to share. And…

Heaven bless the memory of our mutual friend. She had the heart of a beautiful goddess and of an artist, with a soul made of sparkling gold. And she was also a lover I was blessed enough to worship, adore, kiss and cherish. And even though we never knew it on the last day of our romance, it was still the same as it was every time: overflowing with the essence of divine sacred sweet delicious lovemaking, and being lost in the moment of sharing another magical memory together with her.

I kissed her good night in her back patio garden, under the glowing moonlight. And I will never see her again in this life.

Cherish your lovers every single day, my friends.

Whether you break up with them or they move across the world, or they get married, or become terminally ill: just CHERISH EVERY MOMENT YOU CAN.

You never know when it will be the last hug with the last kiss. So make sure they all feel like the first.

In love,
Addi Stewart

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