This subject is very personal. I don’t know who set your value system up in this regard, but whatever it is, I am curious to know what you operate with. I don’t really have any other theoretical title for it except a Strike System, and with poly I think it might take on a few different dimensions.
My Strike System is structured on how often you let someone drop the ball in a relationship… that YOU are TRYING TO BEGIN. That’s the difference.
When your family member fucks up, that’s kinda different. You can’t just cut them off the same way (you CAN, but most people try not to get to that point with family.)
Forgiving someone who has exchanged energy with you before, done favors for you before, had sex with you before, showed up to help you move before, has returned text messages before, and has been some sort of actual identifiable person in your modern life is one thing… but forgiving someone who you’ve never met even once, and who keeps dropping the ball on your potential connection—that’s another story. A sad one.
I feel like a fool if I give this person a sixth chance, but I care about them and think we could have fun together. Our chemistry seems good, but still, it’s been multiple no-shows and cancellations. It just feels hopeless to continue, no matter how damn beautiful this person happens to be! Sob, sob.
This is when one learns a very mature lesson… beauty isn’t everything. Honesty is sexier and more attractive. Try that once, and see. It’s worth trying all the time. It’s so beautiful.
Are you a three-strikes-you’re-out or a forgiveness-until-it-burns-and-hurts type of person? Or maybe you’re one-and-done! I know someone like that—she’s hardcore. I love her, from where I can’t disappoint her!
How many chances did you give your last poly lover?
Sincerely,
Addi Stewart
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