Poly Unicorns: Are they Real?
Is a poly unicorn a mythical beast that attends polyamory festivals? Not quite. Someone recently said to me, “I can’t believe you don’t know what a unicorn is.” After a little internet surfing and interviewing, I’ve become enlightened once again.
What is a Poly Unicorn?
A unicorn in the poly kingdom refers to a bi-female who is interested in dating both partners in a couple. Not so easy to find, hence the elusive mythical title. They do exist, my sources tell me, but they are rare and difficult to find.
Why a Unicorn?
Couples who can answer this will increase their chances of success of finding a bi-woman and making it work. Why do you only want to date as a couple? Are issues of jealousy or insecurity part of your reasoning? A couple should have a solid foundation before uniting with a third, unicorn or otherwise.
Unicorn Questions
Before adding an awesome bi-woman to your primary relationship, consider these questions.
- Will you date your unicorn separately, developing individual relationships?
- What if the unicorn’s sexual interest leans towards only one of you?
- What if your dream unicorn falls in love with someone else while in a triad with you?
- What if one of you has a falling out with the unicorn but the other is still in love with her?
Finding a Unicorn
If a unicorn is what you and your partner want, how will you find her? Poly dating is hard enough without adding more specifications. It also puts pressure on a woman having to want both primaries. If she was only attracted to one of you, would you let her in?
Most couples use online dating for unicorn hunting. As a woman with a single hetero profile, I get approached regularly by poly couples, but so far, they have given me the option of dating one or both.
My advice to couples, when writing a profile, is to ask for little else except for what defines a poly unicorn. That in itself, is asking a lot. When I see a profile that lists too many must-haves, it’s a turn off. If you desire a woman to be open to engaging romantically or sexually with you both, don’t scare her off with an extended wish list before she even responds.
Any unicorn experiences to share?
Theresa Ratliff
June 15, 2016 at 3:30 pm
I’m in this same situation and looking for understanding. My boyfriend is married to a woman who wants me more than I am willing to give. I barely feel a friendly connection and have grown against the sexual encounters. She has expressed ill feelings against his love for me which pushed me away from her. I have even tried to get away from him to avoid the drama, but we are in love. Neither of them seem to understand that she and I will never build the connect he and I have. I care for her emotionally and don’t mind making love to her sometimes. He feels the same way towards her but she constantly complains that it’s not enough.
Holly
June 18, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Thanks for sharing your story, Theresa. Poly relationships are complicated. Perhaps your boyfriend’s wife needs to find a secondary partner of her own.