Poly Unicorns: Are they Real?

Is a poly unicorn a mythical beast that attends polyamory festivals? Not quite. Someone recently said to me, “I can’t believe you don’t know what a unicorn is.” After a little internet surfing and interviewing, I’ve become enlightened once again.

What is a Poly Unicorn?
A unicorn in the poly kingdom refers to a bi-female who is interested in dating both partners in a couple. Not so easy to find, hence the elusive mythical title. They do exist, my sources tell me, but they are rare and difficult to find.

Why a Unicorn?
Couples who can answer this will increase their chances of success of finding a bi-woman and making it work. Why do you only want to date as a couple? Are issues of jealousy or insecurity part of your reasoning? A couple should have a solid foundation before uniting with a third, unicorn or otherwise.

Unicorn Questions
Before adding an awesome bi-woman to your primary relationship, consider these questions.

  • Will you date your unicorn separately, developing individual relationships?
  • What if the unicorn’s sexual interest leans towards only one of you?
  • What if your dream unicorn falls in love with someone else while in a triad with you?
  • What if one of you has a falling out with the unicorn but the other is still in love with her?

Finding a Unicorn
If a unicorn is what you and your partner want, how will you find her? Poly dating is hard enough without adding more specifications. It also puts pressure on a woman having to want both primaries. If she was only attracted to one of you, would you let her in?

Most couples use online dating for unicorn hunting. As a woman with a single hetero profile, I get approached regularly by poly couples, but so far, they have given me the option of dating one or both.

My advice to couples, when writing a profile, is to ask for little else except for what defines a poly unicorn. That in itself, is asking a lot. When I see a profile that lists too many must-haves, it’s a turn off. If you desire a woman to be open to engaging romantically or sexually with you both, don’t scare her off with an extended wish list before she even responds.

Any unicorn experiences to share?

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