When I first began seeing my partner, I was a little bit nervous about spending time with his wife and kids. We have what you call a “kitchen table” relationship, meaning that it’s expected and encouraged that we all hang out together from time to time and that we have an open line of communication with regards to our relationships.
In the beginning, my head was full of all the monogamous notions of jealousy and possessiveness and I was sure these times spent as a group would be really awkward. To be honest, at first they kind of were. It took some time to get to know one another and feel comfortable, but once we achieved that, I can truly say that we have a lot of fun together.
One day in particular really stands out in my mind as being a perfect day in the life of a poly person, or at least THIS poly person. It started out with my partner and his wife and kids (and their dog) arriving at my door to take me with them to the park and then out for breakfast. We all sat and watched as the dog swam and the kids played. There was an easy comfort about it that made me feel so happy to have chosen the life I have.
Over breakfast my metamour and I discussed the fact that I would like to change things up in my apartment so that my partner (her husband) can spend more time with me and have overnight stays. She helped me research bed frames and even offered to help with the set up. It was a significant interaction for me because it really proved that there are no feelings of jealousy or concern between us.
Eventually we went back to my partner’s house where we enjoyed some cool drinks and conversation. After a while my partner and metamour began to discuss some future travel plans while I sat down to write. If felt great to be hanging out in such a casual way, each of us doing our own thing. It made me feel like I was part of something amazing, and yet not always the focus. In fact, I think that’s what I value most about being in a poly relationship – the ability to be an independent part of a whole.