Something happened to me at the nude beach a few days ago. I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, because I really am still trying to process all the details and ramifications of the incident. But there really was something wrong that happened, even though it had some good intentions in it. I just learned the hard way what women have to deal with probably every day of their life…
I was lying down on a towel at Hanlan’s Point, fully naked. I had two female friends with me, just hanging out too, but they were not naked. A friend of one of my lady friends came over to her and said goodbye. As they were leaving, I got up to greet him too, to be polite to the friend of my friend. I had never met him before, but he OBVIOUSLY felt like he knew me, and could know me even MORE intimately…
Since, when I reached up to shake his hand (even though I was naked), he thought it was perfectly cool to reach out to shake my hand… but instead of making contact with my hand, his hand changed its mind and he tried to grab. my. dick!
I scurried backwards on the blanket like “whoa, whoa, whoa!!!” as he said “ooooh, that and this are so nice” as he patted me on the bum (after trying to grab my dick. One second after meeting me. I don’t even know your name, bro!!!)
I could have gotten up and screamed, shouted, or maybe even punched him, which is what I assume many other heterosexual men might have done in that situation… but I’m made of Love not hate, so I decided to create a more peaceful fate. I gracefully bowed out of the moment and said “thanks, but no thanks, and goodbye” at the guy as he walked away, and just had to reflect for a moment on it. Like, wow.
I felt like a piece of meat. I felt like an objectified piece of flesh. I also felt appreciated, albeit in a very perverse way, I will not lie. It wasn’t entirely malicious, just overwhelmingly insensitive and aggressively ignorant. There was a playful, gentle tone of voice speaking the words of uncaring invasion and exploitive violation.
Now, there’s A LOT that can continue to be said about this situation, but to bring it all home, I want to simply say: I know polyamory rules are a lot different in the gay community, and that if I were gay, there would be no problem with what happened. I was even at Hanlan’s Point, which is Toronto’s only nude beach (to my awareness), but also a notorious place for gay guys to hook up in the bushes. Well, I was not in the bushes… and ultimately, I was not offered one moment to consider whether there was MUTUAL CONSENT.
I KNOW with gay men, it only takes a look sometimes, and IT’S ON.
But that guy, who I won’t even deny was a decent-looking individual to anyone who appreciates the aesthetics of all human forms as I do, did NOT even give me the respect of even a SPLIT-SECOND of eye contact, nor ONE BREATH-FULL of communication. And THAT’S not cool, whether gay, straight, monogamous or polyamorous.
I was equally flattered and flabbergasted, I’ll tell you that much. I know I’m sexy as fuck and all, but YEESH! Ask first!!
In case that wasn’t enough absurdity: TWO MORE of his friends also expressed genuine, barely-restrained interest in grabbing my cock as they were all walking away from where we were laying down on the beach. Wow. Just, wow!
Just look into someone’s eyes, and see if they are inviting you into their heart.
If you are not being invited in, do not enter.
This should be the First Law of Love.
Always in Love,
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