How far can you walk on your journey in life with a tiny piece of glass in your foot? I say this to actually say: Is there someone you love with all your heart and soul in this world that you have NEVER felt a moment of frustration, annoyance or irritation with? If the answer is NO, I would have to say you are a lucky, blessed, fortunate individual living in a situation that is RARE.
If we are honest with ourselves and our partners, we can admit with respect, and still be sincere about the fact that, yes, even the people we love the most and have the best sexual connections with in the world often have some irritating elements to their personality that we might clash with or struggles dealing with either occasionally or consistently.
Whether you are able to sustain the relationship while dealing with these enormous little issues is a mystery whose solution remains between you, your partner, and your own damn conscience after your personal tolerance level has been reached… or exceeded.
Is It an Irreconcilable Difference… or Can You Work It Out?
I have a lover who I’ve been with for almost three years. We’ve had lots of passionate connections, lots of honest moments together, and… one perpetual argument that has reared its ugly-ass head in the relationship about five hundred times!
This argument between us has occasionally made me question whether this is an irreconcilable difference that will NEVER get solved, or if it’s an extremely difficult and complex obstacle that we must find a very nuanced solution for in order to patch up the broken piece of our connection.
I have not given up on this person nor this relationship, but I’ve spoken to other people in my poly world about it, and not many people have expressed optimism about the ability for us to surpass the emotional and intellectual disconnect, once it gets to a certain level of friction and frustration.
One person said, “You two are flawed, and there is no chance you will solve this if you both can’t see eye to eye on a basic issue that deals with your polyamorous connection.” I didn’t want to believe it, but there has been times that TRULY make me feel like we cannot traverse the chasm between our hearts and minds, and that no matter how much I love her and choose to forgive her, we won’t be able to overcome the fundamental flaw of lacking faith.
I get irritated when I’m questioned about doing basic polyamory actions like texting another partner at random moments (not spending a whole date with one partner with my face in the phone texting another partner for long periods of time. Nope!)
I feel great frustration when I am not given the space and time to simply text my other partners, without being questioned and interrogated about who I’m texting! I don’t hide the person I text to, but I do NOT like when she asks me in a suspicious manner and with a silent judgement, and NEVER asks how they are doing—one of the main reasons why I get uncomfortable and irritated.
If you don’t care about their well-being, why are you asking about them and saying you’re not jealous of them (which you should NOT be, because I’m not hiding anything). I’m just momentarily sending a text to someone you already know about!
This suspicious attitude is like a pebble in my shoe that causes JUST enough pain to disrupt my every third or fourth step, and I know that at some point I may have to STOP and remove this pebble, or else I’ll be too irritated to continue!
Do you have a partner in your polyamorous life that has one aspect of their personality that causes tiny moments of furious anger to come to your spirit like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction? I hope you have a way to solve it! If not, then you may find one small irritation becoming the reason you give up on the relationship. Who knows what the straw may be that breaks the camel’s back!
Be careful, because polyamory requires negotiation and sacrifice to deal with the little things that can mess up the journey. How far can Cinderella walk on a broken glass slipper? Not even far enough to reach the pumpkin carriage and get her ass home before midnight, so tread carefully when dealing with the enormous little irritations that each one of your poly partners can have.
In love,
Addi Stewart
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