Tips & Advice

5 Reasons Your Poly Lover Wants to Break Up

Couple Arguing in Bed

For me, one of the main assets of polyamory is that we don’t have to say goodbye if things are going differently than the norm.

For example, finding out someone you adore is married means breaking it off for monogamous folks. Or one partner moving away can mean an unwanted ending to a relationship, rather than an open-ended affair that can be rekindled whenever geography complies. But it’s a myth to think you’ll never face a breakup.

It may seem like there’s no reason to cut things off at all when you can have as many lovers as life grants you. But if she wants to leave you, she’s got her reasons.

5 Reasons She Wants to Break Up with You

1. She’s Juggling too Many Things

A woman with three lovers might feel lucky, but if she’s also juggling a career, bills, vet care, piano lessons, children, travel, and three sets of holidays and parents, it can be way too much.

Being open to multiple partners doesn’t mean we aren’t going to be selective. There are only so many hours in the day.

2. The Thrill Is Gone

If your connection was primarily sexual, it makes sense that she doesn’t see much of a point in pursuing it any longer if she’s not getting out of it what she wants.

Depending on what kind of a relationship you have, rekindling the passion might be possible. If you’ve been neglecting her or just going through the motions, you might want to rediscover the sizzle between you and her before it’s too late.

3. You Take Her for Granted

If you aren’t investing much into your relationship, maybe it’s gotten too comfortable for its own good. A woman who does not feel appreciated or noticed is going to stop giving of herself. Things might fade slowly in their obvious direction, or she might cut to the chase and tear that Bandaid off in one swoop.

4. You’re a Jerk

When you’ve been mean, petty, lying, cheating, or cruel, it’s not a surprise that she wants nothing further to do with you.

5. She Met The One

This is unlikely, but she may have a decided to give up the juggling act and commit to one man or woman.

It might be because she’s met and fallen in love with a man who is not polyamorous. But just as some monogamous people try polyamory, there are poly folks who give the opposite a try. In some cases, a woman may feel like she’s met the one and only, and she doesn’t want to be with anybody else. Whether it’s just for now, or for always, you can be caught in the fallout of that.

Breaking up is tough, but it happens to everyone at some point—poly or not. Give yourself the space and time you need to grieve, and don’t forget about the other women who love you!

What experience do you have with poly breakups? Please leave a comment!

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