Age Differences between Polyamory Partners

Age of Consent: Old Hearts, Young Spirits

I have some controversial views, but they are based on unpopular truths.

I won’t get into the depths of how much I think sexuality reveals the least kind realities that exist in our intimate truths, but I would like to touch upon one idea that polyamory has opened up for me: the idea of NOT being an “ageist”.

When I was in my teens and didn’t know the possibilities of polyamory and the potential amount of untraditional love and connection I could create, I generally went out with women my age, or a year or two older or younger. I certainly found myself attracted to older women who were 10 or even 20 years, but I didn’t allow myself the courage to reach out to them and ask for the possibility of creating a sexual connection with them.

How foolish we are in youth!

We can’t know how many potential beautiful relationships can be created in this life. And if we don’t put people in boxes and categories, then we can feel the bliss of connecting to hundreds if not thousands of lovers and people in life! We don’t need to just select people in our age group, or in our economic class, or people who work with us at our jobs, or people who are pre-selected by a peer group of women/men, or by that rule of “a woman should be no more than 7 years younger than her man”, or by whatever committee-based or superstition-inspired, decision-making process we might be using to find our future lovers.

I have to include a story of me when I was 21, having an extremely sexual encounter with my mother’s best friend (from the time I was eight), during a brief visit to a place I was staying when we were in the same area for a few nights. I remembered how much I adored her and thought she was attractive. She was nearly 40, but she didn’t care and neither did I. Thus, we shared one of the most beautiful afternoon delights I hold in my heart and soul’s book of intimate memories. She didn’t care how young I was, she KNEW my passion for her was pure and honest. And I didn’t care she was older, or how long I had to wait to kiss and caress her. When I was of age to consent, we got together. Hell, I would have consented to her when I was 8 years old, but it wouldn’t be good to get her in trouble with the law, ha ha. I was certainly aware of my desire for her from that age! Trust me.

The point is: I will make love with ANYBODY. I had a lover last year who had grandchildren, and she was around 65 years old. Almost twice my age! And she easily was one of the most passionate and sacred polyamorous connections of love I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. We had wonderful chemistry on a mental level and a physical level, and even though there was a bit of an age difference, we had more in common in that moment of connection than we had separation and reasons to not make love. We have no regrets and enjoy a friendship with respect and admiration since making love, and we feel no shame or problem with it. This is the ultimate outcome of a sexual interaction, I do believe: nobody wanting to change a thing about what each person shared with the other.

And even though age is a very complicated thing in the world, and innocence is the ONLY truth that can never be returned when it is taken, I do think that we don’t communicate our truths enough around issues of age of consent, and conscientious individuals. From BDSM to watersports to role-playing games, as long as both or all parties involved are clearly and consciously aware of the erotic choices they are taking responsibility for enjoying, then who has anything to say about what is going on? If a 45-year-old man wants to make love to a 25-year-old woman, and that same 25-year-old woman wants to make love to that 45-year-old man, as long as they’re protecting themselves and each other, and both of sound mind and body to choose their lover, then what’s wrong with them having sex?

Nothing. Except to a person who has a different value system. Thus, their judgement may look at May-December relationships as problematic or questionable. And I’m not saying that older people never exploit the ignorant innocence of younger people, sadly I can’t say that. But people of the same age also exploit each other sexually, so the problem really isn’t the AGE of the people having sex, it’s the EXPLOITATION.

So, I suggest we only exploit our own existence and create fantasies of all shapes, colors, sizes… and AGES! Being an ageist is as uncool as being a sexist or a racist. And those things are the cause of so much unhappy humanity!

Love is TIMELESS, especially when you will make love to anyone of any age!

In joy,
Addi Stewart


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