I know that for most of us, the scariest thing about jumping into a poly relationship is the prospect of sharing our partners. Sure, it’s exciting to fantasize about all the sex we’re about to have, but what if we can’t handle it? What if we become mired in insecurity, or it turns out that monogamous culture is correct, and that there’s only so much love to go around?
Well, I can tell you that I had all of these concerns and more when I was setting out down my own poly path. That’s why I’ve chosen to share with you some of the ways in which you can enhance the benefits of taking the leap and sharing your partner.
Open Yourself Up to New Things
Your partner’s bound to have gained a few new skills from their time away… Don’t be afraid to request a demonstration. It can feel awkward to share sexy details in poly relationships, especially at first, but as long as everyone is open to it, what’s the harm?
I have really sensitive nipples, and over the course of our relationship, my partner has learned to play my breasts like a fine instrument. The other day, he practiced those skills on his wife of twenty-seven years, and she loved it! It makes me feel really happy to know that something I enjoy so much has made someone else happy too.
Satisfy Your Inner Voyeur
Why not take your desire to share even further, and watch your partner have sex with someone else? I’ve never done it, I’m not quite that adventurous, but for those of you who are, I’ve heard it can be a lot of fun. Set up a Skype call, and take turns going at it in front of the camera. If you’re brave enough, be there in person. Sit at the head of the bed and gaze into your partner’s eyes as they come at the hands of their other partner.
If these suggestions feel too intense, simply tell stories of your sexual adventures. Go into as much detail as your partner wants, just remember to get everyone’s permission to share.
Use Your (Occasional) Jealousy for the Greater Good
Being poly doesn’t mean that you never feel jealous. It just means that you don’t think of your jealousy as a deal breaker. Every once in a while, you’re going to feel insecure and maybe even a little possessive of your partner, especially as you learn about all of the hot and sexy adventures they’re having.
Provided your jealousy isn’t damaging your relationship or becoming all consuming, use it to fuel your desire! Jealousy can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Sometimes a little competition is all it takes to heat things up between the sheets. Just be sure to check in with yourself every once in a while to make sure you aren’t suffering too much.
Appreciate What You’ve Got all the More
That jealousy I just mentioned is kind of important because it helps us to realize just how much our partners mean to us. It sounds kind of messed up, but again, I’m not talking about, sprawled-out-on-the-bathroom-floor jealousy. It’s more like, I miss snuggling up with you tonight. I’m going to really appreciate our date night tomorrow.
I find that not living with my partner and only seeing him a few times a week, means that when we do get together, we end up having more quality time because we don’t have any time to waste.
What do you think? What are some other ways that sharing your partner has enhanced your life?