Finding a Unicorn for You and Your Poly Partner

If you and your girlfriend or wife are looking for a third partner for regular threesome scenes together, the search can seem daunting. Here’s how you can use the hunt to learn more about yourself and each other.

See the process as a new way of bonding with your partner.

Talking out the nitty gritty of your relationship, your fantasies, and your experiences together and apart, you’ll have a unique opportunity to draw closer to each other. You’ll find out things about yourself, and see your relationship from a new perspective if you engage in the process of seeking a unicorn together.

Decide proactively to weather any arguments or sensitive territory.

A decision in advance of these deep and intimate waters to overcome any arguments or uncomfortable discoveries is like a safeguard against being alienated or lost after an explosion.

By simply acknowledging that things can get sensitive, and deciding to work it through together no matter how sticky the situation gets, you are both giving intention to the relationship and to radical honestly. Instead of avoiding conflict or uncomfortable explorations or situations, you are allowing space for deep discovery.

Honor your boundaries, but first consider them carefully.

You can be flexible AND have boundaries at the same time, simply by considering your boundaries thoroughly and prioritizing those you find most important.

You’ll be able to discard boundaries that are no longer relevant or that you want to overcome, and you’ll see that some are trivial and unnecessary. When you move away from a long list of no-ways you’ll see so many new ways, and you’ll be able to prioritize the boundaries that are really important for you.

Todd, 27, had a strict females-only policy for his and his wife’s unicorn. That’s the most common arrangement, but Tina was most turned on by the idea of being pleasured by two male lovers.

Todd assumed this boundary was about being turned off or afraid of being with another man, but after reviewing his boundaries he realized his fear was actually that his wife might fall in love with the third. “That’s supposed to be okay too, in my lifestyle,” he says.

The boundary was altered to “no ex-boyfriends” (or ex-girlfriends) as unicorns. “Uncharted territory where anything could happen was less frightening than the past happening over again,” Todd explains.

Enjoy the discussions, discoveries, and encounters with the goal of being inspired into deep fantasy territory.

Just as working through your own and each other’s boundaries and negotiating your desires with each other brings you closer emotionally through intimacy, let the ups and downs of the unicorn hunt spark your sex life.

“You don’t have to wait for the right trilogy for amazing sex,” says Becka, 29. “Bring all of it into the bedroom from the get go.”

Becka says that she and her boyfriend Cooper have had mind-bending sex for the past year even though they’ve only had a few three-way encounters, and none of them especially satisfying. “I get insanely turned on by the idea of watching a slim blonde riding him, so I started pretending she’d been there when I climbed atop him. It sounds ridiculous but the idea of another woman touching him makes me so rabid that I just can’t get enough of his cock.”

Some people are poly because variety is really important to them. Becka, who has been with Cooper (though not exclusively) since high school, says the real surprise was how much polyamory does to improve sex with the same partner.

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