Poly life is all fun and games until it reaches maximum capacity, and you find yourself contemplating a life of sexless solitude.
Because the demands don’t build up all at once, it can be difficult to notice when things get too complicated. You might start to feel angry or ill at ease, until one day you just can’t take it anymore. Thankfully, there are some warning signs to look out for.
You Cancel Dates Regularly
It’s perfectly normal to cancel dates now and then, but when it becomes a habit, it might be time to examine your poly schedule to see if it works for you. Work obligations pile on, family stuff happens, and when it does your dating life can suffer.
Talk to your partners and figure out a schedule that works for now. Just because you started out having Wednesday date nights doesn’t mean you can’t change it to Thursday. Try to have the conversation before you find yourself apologizing for having to reschedule once again.
Your Partners Say They Feel Neglected
If you’re trying your best in each of your relationships but hear complaints from one or more of your partners that you’re being spread too thin, your poly life could be too demanding. One way to address this is to discuss expectations. What are you prepared to offer in your relationships?
Remember, you don’t have to be everything to everyone, that’s the beauty of polyamory! I’m not suggesting that you march into the conversation with no room for compromise, instead, be honest about what you can realistically give, then talk about how the two (or more) of you can make that happen.
There’s Never Enough Time for Yourself
Finding a few moments to do something you enjoy, without having to worry about other people, is important. How much alone time you need varies from person to person, but you’ll know if you’re not getting enough. You’ll probably become irritable, and start to feel anxious at the thought of spending time with your partners. You might resent all the things you have to do to please everyone, or start to feel that you aren’t being true to yourself.
Ask for time if you need it. Be sure to explain that you don’t need time out from your relationships, just a bit more freedom to do your own thing sometimes.
You Can’t Keep Up in Bed
This is obviously a sensitive issue, but it’s also a very common one, especially for men with multiple partners. Stress, fatigue, ill health, and emotional factors can all play a role in curbing your libido. If your relationships are placing a great deal of strain on you, it makes sense that the effects might be felt most deeply between the sheets.
Again, talk to your partners about how you’re feeling. If you know the issue is not a lack of desire, point that out, then ask for what you need. Less drama? More patience? Only you know the answer to that one. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself in your poly relationships. You deserve to be happy!
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