Poly Relationships

10 Reasons Why Polyamory is NOT a Numbers Game

Smiling Couple

Comparison is the thief of joy. This is an eternal truth that is the key to freedom, happiness, compersion, bliss and lots of restful sleep at night. This applies very deeply to monogamy maybe a hundred times more than it does to polyamory, simply because comparison increases about a hundred-fold in a monogamous relationship!

But, I digress.

In polyamory, there are technically many (hypothetically: nearly infinite) options for a couple to partake and find pleasure within, and this is one of the many wonderful aspects of participating in a polyamorous partnership. But just as it’s not emotionally or economically logical for Beyoncé and Jay Z to compare themselves to Victoria and David Beckham or any other rich and famous power couple in the world to quantify, justify and rationalize their happiness, it makes no sense for anyone to derive their satisfaction from analyzing another polyamorous person’s relationship as inferior to theirs, for any number of arbitrary reasons.

10 Reasons You Can’t Compare Relationships

1. Others may not have as many sexual partners.

2. Others may have more sexual partners, but less time with them.

3. Others may have more boundaries.

4. Others may be in a long-distance relationship.

5. Others may be going through a partner distant from feeling other NRE (new relationship energy).

6. Others may be choosing to be asexual or celibate for a personal reason.

7. Others may be so sexually active, they need to take a break to check in with their center, and check their health and spirit.

8. Others may want to have more than they have access to.

9. Others may give signs that polyamory isn’t something they can continue practicing as long.

10. There are a lot of reasons and changes and differences that people can have to make their situations look good/bad/ugly/lovely, as compared to another’s situation.

Then, if you want to do such a meaningless task, it won’t take too long to find another polyamorous relationship to compare to yours to make yours feel “inferior”, if that’s one’s goal. Which is not that much of a worthy and lofty goal in life, truth be told.

I remember there was a time when I used to be envious of Charlie Sheen. Remember the days when he was talking about “tiger blood” and “#WINNING” and all that stuff? He was exuberantly expressing his plentiful sex life, his bounteous cornucopia of porn stars, his endless stream of sexy beauties for his own supposedly insatiable sexual satisfaction. Sounds like the dream, right? I really thought this was the case, until I saw his stand-up act live!

By the end of the show, I had not much more than some form of pity and remorse for the guy. Even though he has (or had) a vast wealth of options to furnish his Hollywood-celebrity-levels-of-debaucherous-desires, he still seemed… SAD. He still seemed like he didn’t want exactly what he had. He still radiated the aura of a man who was not exactly expressing himself emotionally where he seemed like he was actually existing in the public eye. It’s kinda hard to fully articulate without sounding too much like Sigmund Freud (who has done ENOUGH damage to the psychology of sexuality, thank you very much!), but I genuinely didn’t feel envious or jealous of Charlie Sheen and his five buxom blonde Malibu Beach porn star girlfriends whatsoever. They were beautiful women, don’t get it confused, twisted or misconstrued! But it’s kinda like J.Lo and Puff Daddy: doesn’t matter what you got if you don’t got happiness. Which is why it’s futile to compare yourself and/or your relationships to anyone else’s.

Happiness cannot be measured, so once you have achieved your OWN happiness, then you are living in a dream that simply cannot be compared to anyone else.

And don’t let anyone comparing your dream to theirs take away YOUR joy from achieving your dreams in love and sex!!!!!!!!!!

In love,
Addi Stewart

P.S. At this sacred and wonderful moment in time in life: I am in relationships with ten lovers, in various beautiful, magical and heavenly ways. I wouldn’t dare dream to compare myself to anyone on the planet to try and see how happy I should be, or to try and see how to be greedy for more. GOD NO! I love my life exactly how it is now, and I would never compare it to anything or anyone else, except my own dreams of love to come to life in the future!

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