Last week I posted my first five Polyamory Commandments that must never be broken if you wish to live a happy, drama-free life within the world of ethical non-monogamy.
There are probably more than ten altogether if I’m to be honest, but I’ll stick to the original reference. Who am I to argue with God when it comes to the human capacity for restrictiveness?
So if you want to be a conscientious poly lover and an all-round cool person, follow these commandments.
10 Poly Commandments
Thou Shalt Not…
6. Hijack Each Other’s Date Nights
What constitutes hijacking? Basically anything from calling or texting for non-emergency purposes while your partner is out with someone else, to making your partner late for a date by demanding their attention at the last minute.
It could also involve crashing a date in person, or simply an unwillingness to accommodate others in your scheduling. Essentially, you want to avoid being selfish and needy if you can.
7. Lie about Your Feelings
Of course there will be times when you are feeling selfish and needy, and it’s important to talk about it. Choose your timing, but definitely get things out in the open.
Being poly doesn’t mean that you’re immune to the emotional difficulties that can come from sharing your partner and yourself with others. If you’re feeling jealous, admit it! Don’t shut down and say you’re fine if you’re not.
8. Betray a Partner’s Confidence
Never share things about one partner with other partners, unless you’ve been granted permission to do so. It can be tempting to open up about lots of things while you’re lying in bed with someone, but just be mindful of which secrets are yours to tell.
9. Use Guilt as A Weapon
This applies to any relationship, poly or otherwise, but within the poly dynamic it can be especially easy to take those feelings of jealousy and insecurity that sometimes arise and use them to your own end. I consider this impulse to be an offshoot of monogamous thinking, though perhaps it’s just a human thing?
10. Compare Your Partners and Relationships
Insecurities and jealousy can lead to comparisons of ourselves and others within our polycules, but ultimately, this only leads to pain and further isolation. Try to set aside the need to measure love and worth.
We are all unique individuals with unique connections to one another and trying to measure one against the other just doesn’t make sense. Instead, focus on what makes your relationships meaningful to you and your specific partners. Set aside that invisible measuring stick in all aspects of your life and before long you’ll be a happier, more peace-filled person.