Q&A: What It’s Like to be Poly with Children

It’s one thing to juggle the sexual freedom of multiple partners. But does it not get complicated when a poly couple has kids?

I recently had a tête-à-tête about it with my poly-mom friend. Here’s a snapshot:

Now that the baby’s here, are you still seeing your secondary partners?
We are, but it took a while. The first few months or so, no, cuz it was all about learning to breastfeed and all that, y’know, settling in to being a parent and getting to know baby. My primary partner had it easier. He was back in action within a few weeks. Bummer for me that I was missing out on sexytime, but I get it. The mother has more work to do.

So the extra-curricular dating isn’t evenly divided?
Not lately! He’s back on his regular routine with his secondary partner, but it’ll still be a while before I can get up to my preferred sexual workload! The main trouble is finding babysitters for a baby, as opposed to a toddler. I expect things will get easier. I do still manage to hook up with my secondary partner, just not as much as I used to. Before the actual birth, we’d hook up the entire time I was pregnant. We even had a date the afternoon the baby was born! I had to call that morning from the hospital to cancel. He was very relieved it didn’t happen on his watch!

How to Manage Time in Poly Relationships

Are the secondary partners involved in the baby’s life?
They are! And it’s great. Our secondary partners are around for regular visits, holidays, all of it. We have no intention of keeping our lifestyle a secret from our children. We certainly don’t keep it a secret from anyone else. We love our partners, and it’s important to us that everyone plays a positive relationship role.

At what point will you explain to your children about mommy and daddy’s lifestyle?
Not sure yet. Obviously we’ve talked about it, but we’ll have to see. We expect it won’t be that hard at all when the time comes. We live an open, tolerant lifestyle, with friends from across the entire spectrum. We may not have to say much because our daughter may have put the pieces together on her own. Either way, we’re not worried — we’re both pretty grounded.

Do you think your daughter feels that she has more than two parents?
Not at all! Mum-mum-mum and Dadadadadada are her only heroes!

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