Finding Time for More than One Relationship
This might seem challenging, especially if it’s your first foray into polyamory. Having partners that all get along makes things easier. Everyone won’t feel that their time together is diminished because you’ll be able to enjoy each other as a group, not just as twosomes.
Poly individuals may want time alone simultaneously or have differing activities and interests that they want to engage in. This is similar to monogamous relationships with children. Schedules and feelings clash and everyone needs to give in sometimes or take turns to keep things running smoothly. People with a “my way or the highway” approach end up alone.
If you’re having a hard time sharing your partner because you aren’t feeling close to their other lover then you must talk about it. Few of us read minds. Without being clear about expectations, it’s easy to become disappointed or angry when they’re not met. This also helps with varying schedules, giving others enough time to compromise to your needs.
It takes time to settle into a poly relationship and you may be worried about all this negotiation and scheduling – that it will take away from the quality time you want and crave. Be patient and allow for interruptions or changes in planned get-togethers. While two partners are spending romantic time together, a third can be taking care of more practical concerns, rotating among individuals.
If you’re two poly partners looking for a third you may be worried about suddenly giving up time with your primary. This is natural. Be open about your thoughts and feelings and don’t try and set limits for your partner’s new relationship. This will only cause resentment and frustration. Suggest a schedule/calendar that will give you advance warning when you’ll be sharing. Remember, it’s easier if you become close with a new third – sharing interests and your lover.
A healthy poly relationship involves partners accepting that not all of your time with a partner will be spent one-on-one. Communication of feelings that challenge this acceptance are necessary at all stages.