Tips & Advice

Use the Joy of Sharing to Spice Up Your Love Life

Couple Embracing in Underwear

It seems that more and more monogamous couples are turning to polyamory in hopes of bringing a little excitement back into the bedroom, and why not? The poly lifestyle offers lots of options for getting your rocks off.

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One of the hottest things about being poly is that it adds so much variation to your sex life, and sharing new experiences with your partners can feel like a never-ending source of erotic fuel.

Here’s how you can make the most of sharing yourself (and your partner) with others. How far you go really just depends on how adventurous you are!

Share Stories of Your Sexual Adventures (with the Consent of All Involved)

Cozy up together and revel in all the hot action that’s passed since the last time you shared. Go into lots of detail and, if the mood strikes, let the telling turn to showing. It might take a few tries to get used to hearing about your partner’s other sexual exploits, but for lots of poly people, the persistence pays off.

In my experience, a little bit of jealousy is a good thing! It helps us to remember what we’ve got, and it makes us try a little harder. Just be sure to monitor your feelings. If it gets too much to handle, there’s no shame in asking your partner to hold back a bit.

Pretend to Be Your Partner’s Other Lover

If sharing really does it for you, why not take things to the next level with some role play? Ask your partner to fuck you like they do their other love. Act out a particular scenario, or just go with the flow. One of the great perks of polyamory is that allows for the enjoyment of multiple types of sexual expression.

Mix things up and share some of the new things you’ve learned with one another. I really love breast play. Prior to having met me, my partner wasn’t really into it. Now he’s a real nipple virtuoso and shares his gift with my metamour too.

Try Some Consensual Voyeurism

If you want to take things even further, dare to watch as your partner fucks somebody else! The important thing here is that everyone is in the know (not being secretly taped, for example) and that watching or being watched appeals to each person equally.

The first time you try it, go slow. Have safe words and a clear path of escape. If you find it uncomfortable in the moment, but then fantasize about it when you get home, you might want to try again, but with more preparation and communication. Don’t be afraid to state what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Maybe you love witnessing foreplay but just can’t stomach penetration. It’s your call.

Arrange a Threesome

Why not take the joy of sharing your partner to its penultimate conclusion by adding a third between the sheets? Approach your metamour if you think they’d be game, or (with everyone’s knowledge) search outside your polycule for that sexy someone. Before you jump in, be sure to set some ground rules: Is this an open-ended arrangement or strictly a one-time thing? Is there room for emotional connections, or do you want to keep things 100% casual?

Some people find that going outside their social circle to find a third partner makes things less awkward and less potentially painful in the long run, while others prefer the feeling of safety that comes of choosing someone they know and trust. Talk it over with your partner to find the right fit for you.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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