Poly Relationships

4 Tips for Inviting a Third into Your Open Relationship

Woman Listening Attentively to Her Date

Whether you’re embarking on your first open relationship, or you’ve been in a long-term monogamous relationship that you’ve decided to open up, there are a few things to consider. Check out these tips before you invite someone to join you and your primary.

Tips for Asking a Third to Join Your Relationship

1. Be clear with your partner that you’re on the same page. Is this a one-time experiment or something you hope will to be ongoing? What are your separate motivations and hopes for opening up the relationship? Are you prepared to communicate honestly about the experience?

2. Choose your third carefully. This is important and depends on what you want. You may have an attraction to someone who your partner doesn’t, or they may have a fantasy to see you with someone you can’t imagine being with. Of course, you need to ask someone who you have a sense is interested in such a thing. And if privacy is important, you’ll want to ask someone who is discreet.

3. Talk about everyone’s expectations beforehand. Talking about sex before sex isn’t very sexy, I know, but without it there could be unexpected consequences. Are all three of you interested in participating, or does one person only want to watch? What will you do if someone becomes uncomfortable? Can fantasies and kink be explored, and to what level? 

4. Be prepared for any fallout. If it’s just about sex, then you should be alright. But… many people’s feelings get stirred up through intimate physical actions, so there is always the possibility of unexpected emotions like jealousy, resentment, and even love that can affect the primary and secondary relationships.

If asking a friend seems too risky, you can always find a third on a dating site like PolyamoryDate.com, where members often have experience with open relationships.

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Share your open relationship experiences in the comments below!

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