Do you have partners who you are in long-distance polyamory relationships with? Do you have a particular arrangement? There are many options and possibilities that people can choose from to guide their long-distance desires.
Certain people doing certain sexual, emotional, intellectual, and social offerings in particular circumstances might be your arrangement. No deep connections, no tongue, no sex without condoms, no continued relationships after six months—who knows what your rules may be. But in long-distance poly relationships that want to continue: RULES MUST EXIST! Otherwise, they will float off into the memories of the past and get replaced by other, warmer bodies.
This is extremely true in monogamous relationships. Long-distance monogamy is a supreme challenge in human connections, especially when the person lives across the country or on another continent. But what happens when you are in a polyamorous relationship with someone special who you are intending on staying connected with, apart?
You must operate by some other rules that are not really written anywhere, except in the dreams and actions of brave poly intrepid adventurers who have gone forth before us to blaze a trail of honesty and hope!
5 Tips for Successful Long-Distance Polyamory
1. Be Happy for Your Partner’s Erotic Adventures
Make sure they know that you don’t fear them having a wonderful time wherever they are, or on vacation. Maybe it ends up being a permanent vacation. If you’re hardcore poly, you would be open to that option for your partner, and be happy for their happiness if they wanted to make it a one-way ticket. Not knowing when they will return is a true test of faith and love and courage.
Communication will help keep hope alive, and clarity will help keep the confusion down. Both people should be open about who they are connected to and why, and how that does not and will not stop them from reconnecting when time and space allows it. These are fundamental building blocks to sustaining long-distance polyamory.
2. Use Technology to Your Advantage
Zoom, Instagram, Facebook Live, Snapchat, YouTube, or whatever video option you want to explore is at your fingertips to reach out and creatively connect to lovers afar. There are so many ideas, both endearing and naughty that can keep the coals burning.
Whether you’re wearing your partner’s underwear or lingerie, showing them a greeting from their furry friend, or sharing a clip of a homecooked meal you made that you wish you were sharing, there are countless ways you can use technology to your advantage.
3. Express Intimacy and Intentions Often and Openly
This may seem more subtle, but it’s something that really must be done with open, concrete intention, and direct motivation of expression. Tell them what you miss the most, reflecting on the good moments, and the optimistic joy of seeking more in the future.
Say “I LOVE YOU” as much as you damn well feel comfortable saying it. Whatever cute nicknames you have for each other, use them. Be open about what you need and want from them when it comes to phone calls and texts and video chats. Negotiate how much time and energy you can share in the context of the distance. And make sure they know that they are not out of sight, out of mind.
4. Articulate the State of Affairs (No Pun Intended)
Things change fast—sometimes they don’t, but sometimes they do. And if you feel things change, then let your partner know. And this may not even mean the end of you and a partner. It may mean the addition of a second or a third partner for you or them—unexpected, but hopefully respected and accepted.
Keep your partners aware of what’s happening in your life—big or small, personal or professional. The better the intimate communication, the smaller the distance really feels. If you know how they’re doing with their partners, and they know how you’re doing with yours, you’ll build a special sacred trust. True poly is knowing that nothing can replace you, so jealousy need not arise. Just appreciation of important information.
5. Cherish Every Moment You Do Spend Together
You can usually expect fireworks when you reconnect with long-distance partners, especially if it’s been a long time. This is an important echo effect that you can cherish and bask in the glory of at only special, certain times in your life. And a long-distance relationship that has succeeded in not breaking down during the distance apart is one of those times to celebrate!
I am NOT a person who seeks long-distance polyamory relationships because they are challenging, but they just happen! If you have any tips, I’m all ears!