Tips for Successful Open Relationships

Open relationships can be challenging even for couples who have previous experience with the polyamory lifestyle. Here are a few reminders to help keep your primary and secondary partners happy.

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Time Management Tips for Open Relationships

1. Your primary partner needs to be the person you spend the most time with. Spend nights at home in your bed with this person, and check in with them a lot. This is the only way that things can work.

If there isn’t a foundation of trust and a pattern of intimacy, then you don’t have a polyamorous relationship. What you’re doing is just dating lots of people.

2. Figuring out where the next people fit is really the question. It’s nice for a relationship to have some fluidity and spontaneity, but how do you stop it from getting too serious?

If you don’t want your secondary partner to overshadow your primary, then you have to put limits on how often you meet. There is always a natural burst of intensity and desire (NRE) at the beginning, but if you spend too much time then things will get too serious.

Think of making once-a-week limits, or twice a month. Talk about how you want to keep it casual, and how your primary partner matters to you. Don’t let your heart get confused.

3. It would be ideal if your partner and your second met each other and became friends. It would be even more ideal if they hit it off and you all made a triangle, but this doesn’t always happen. Desire is a funny thing. Still, if they have at least talked a little, then the mystery will fade and the comfort zone will grow.

4. Promise and deliver on vacations with your primary partner. It makes someone feel special to be taken away on a trip where love and intimacy can be re-established. If you keep talking about it but don’t deliver, it will certainly make for discontent and tension in the home.

5. Dilution makes life complicated. The more people you date at once, the more complicated your life becomes. Trust me, I know. When you get involved in so much personal drama, it can get difficult to remember whose drama is whose. Also, a person needs time alone, now and then. 

How do you keep your open relationship running smoothly? Please share your tips in the comments.

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