Tips & Advice

Sexting Etiquette for Poly Partners

Woman in Lingerie Texting

When I think of my own relationships, I’m struck by how much sexting plays a role in keeping things alive. It would be quite difficult for me to maintain the degree of closeness I feel to everyone if not for the erotic use of technology. I imagine this to be true for many poly couples, given that time restraints and physical distance often factor into things. A hot exchange over messaging with someone you miss can feel so good, but keep in mind there are a few things to be aware of when reaching out.

Be Sensitive of the Timing
This might seem fairly obvious, but you want to make sure that when you start to engage your partner(s) in a steamy exchange, that neither you nor they are in the middle of something important that requires their full attention and/or discretion. If you’re on a date with someone else, for example, or your partner is, try to respect that and let the focus remain in the present moment. Of course we can’t always know what our partners are up to at the exact moment our sext reaches their phone. If you know for sure, though,  that your partner is busy but you want an instant reply, you might just have to accept that you’re out of luck.  

Be Discreet
Some poly couples get off on the thought of their lovers being intimate with other people. For those adventurous thrill seekers, discretion might not be warranted when it comes to sending and receiving sexts. For some other couples, though, the boundaries between partners and their sexual activities are more rigid. If you know that it might make your partner feel uncomfortable to read the many sexy things you say to someone else, wait until you’re alone to indulge in all the steamy texting, and try not to leave your phone just laying there, conspicuously open to your messaging app.

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Stay in the Moment with your Current Partner
Even under non-arousing circumstances, our phones can be a huge distraction in poly relationships. Add to that the offensive act of sexting someone other than the person with whom you are out on a date, and you’re sure to create some tension. I’ve said it before but it’s so important; try to remain focused on your current partner as much as you can. If  you think your misplaced sexting is the result of not having enough time with everyone, try to talk about it and figure out a way to tweak your schedule accordingly.

Be Sure to Keep your Sexting Threads Straight
We all know that each of our partners has different opinions in terms of what’s sexy. How very awkward it is to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Am I right? I think most of the time it isn’t hard to keep things straight, but mistakes can happen, especially if you have a lot of partners and/or a very busy life. In my experience, most of the time these mistakes can be laughed off, but it’s still a good idea to think before hitting send.

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