This is delicate territory. This is not for the rookie, the newbie, or the casual. This is for people who take relationships seriously and pursue their fantasies with the highest integrity.
Sex with a married woman or couple.
I have had sex with many husbands’ wives, and not with one kerfuffle. Emotional intelligence, maturity, communication prowess, open-mindedness, respect, discernment. and safety—these are all required to successfully conduct relations with a married couple, being the third unicorn extra wheel in the equation.
There’s a social taboo on being the cocksmith or pussychamp in this dynamic, but with so many marriages being so damn sexless, someone’s gotta do it! And that someone could be YOU.
Read: Dating Sites to Find a Couple or Third
There’s a lot of unspoken and secret stuff that you’re NOT supposed to say, and that should really become second nature to you if you are conducting such a high-level fantasy of sleeping with a married couple. Don’t type it out on the internet, don’t share hotel pics on Instagram, and don’t blab to friends who have no connection to these people. Loose lips sink ships, and relationships too!
So, here are some tips to keep the dream afloat.
5 Tips for Sex with a Married Couple
1. Communicate with Both Husband and Wife
There will be one person who you communicate with MORE than the other. But still, send messages and greetings to BOTH. Let the one know that you are aware of the other. Pass a hello along to her husband once in a while.
Water the whole lawn, not just the flower you like most. It goes a long way in establishing the trust necessary for them both to feel like you’re not trying to break them up or elope with the wife during some super-hot sexy fantasy, and that you respect the husband for his approval too.
You may only text one of them, but send words for both. You may only call one, but do the same. And in sex, you may only fuck one, but be open to the other watching, or joining in at a distance. I have a beautiful arrangement and entanglement with a married couple going on five years now because of everything I said above.
Read: Benefits of Being the Third
2. Discuss Safer Sex Practices
When you have sex with a married couple, will they want condoms? Will they want test results for STIs? Will they be okay if you tested recently to go bareback? Will you pull out and come on her stomach?
There are options and methods you can use to deal with the issue of how to be the safest possible. I use condoms with couples who I don’t know extremely well, which is the vast majority of them, but it can be nice to develop a connection to a couple that allows a fluid-bonded trust between you.
It takes years to get there, often, but can be done for sure. Maturity, consent, safety, and communication are all part of making safer sex work with a married couple.
Read: Healthy Safe Sex Tips for Polyamory Partners
3. Don’t Start Personal Relations
It really needs to be emphasized for anyone that might have forgotten their place in the order of things: do NOT try to have side relations with someone in this situation! Getting greedy will ruin everything you have built—something that is NOT an easy situation to find or become involved in by any means!
Keep it platonically sexual, and don’t cross the streams like they say in Ghostbusters. No need to try to make his wife your new girlfriend. Just stick to the arrangement you all agreed upon, respecting the boundaries laid out.
Read: 5 Tips for Sex with Another Man’s Wife
4. Negotiate Neutral Locations
To keep things chill on another level, you will want to have sex in a place that is not going to get anyone in trouble. No kids around, no neighbors to chat with, no gossipers to ruin the fun, and no other distractions that might stop the sex from being spectacular. A hotel is always a good option for a married couple to have a fun third join in—I’ve done that many times, and it’s damn near always the dream come true.
Once you are done having sex with a married couple, you all disappear from the crime scene—no muss, no fuss, no white stuff! If you have to all fuck in someone’s car to make it happen, I don’t judge! Just make sure it won’t cause any fallout.
5. Be the Sexy Glue that Holds the Marriage Apart
Make BOTH of them feel happier after you leave than before you arrived so that they want to KEEP having this consensual extramarital affair.
Be their friend if they need a friend. Be the good sex partner they ask you to be. Be a silent partner when it’s time to be silent. And be the BEST person you can possibly be in the rare emergencies and moments of genuine non-sexual connection that you may arise with this married couple.
Be the extra layer of titanium varnish on their wedding ring, and strengthen their connection with your sexual contribution. That will make it a win-win-win situation!
Read: How to Join a Couple for a Threesome
Be your best,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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