I’ve been going to sex clubs for fifteen years. Every time I go to a sex club, no matter if it’s the first time or twentieth, I respect it like it’s my first time having sex! Having this attitude prevents you from taking anything for granted or being irresponsible.
There is basic sex club etiquette that benefits everyone and will keep you from getting banned, yes, banned… it happens! I’ve never been That Guy and never want to be.
I was at a concert recently and saw a guy I’ve known around the scene act like he was some superstar diva, screaming and carrying on like he deserved extra attention and acknowledgement from the headliners and audience.
I thought he was going way too far and probably deserved to be punished swiftly for such vulgarity. Lo and behold, as soon as the act was done, two security guards came up through the crowd and abruptly ejected the ruffian. I laughed and thought to myself, I will never be That Guy!
Doesn’t matter where you are, if you carry yourself with dignity, show respect to the people around you, participate in the festivities with good intentions and radiate positive energy, you will be invited back, probably repeatedly. You might even get yourself a free pass to get into the party!
I’ve been given free passes into sex clubs to engage in spectator sex for a ballroom audience, disco night sexy dancing, massages for bi-sexual swordplay, and to perform as Malcolm Lovejoy, my porn moniker. These invites all came from conducting myself with professionalism and polyamorous compersion.
Sex Club Etiquette Tips for Your First Time
1. Be Polite, No Matter What
You should be polite as hell to everyone, whether they say, “Yes, let’s fuck” or “No, thank you.” They also might do some weird, unpredictable stuff or leave you hanging or say some confusing things to you.
Still, be polite as you graciously bow out and move on. There’s no need to make a big scene and say a hundred words to someone who it’s not going to work out with in the first place. Be decent, and keep it moving.
2. Actively Observe
At all points in time (when your eyes are not fixed in the fiery gaze of someone you’re fucking), you should be looking around and learning about the environment you’re in.
There is NO place that is quite like a sex club, and the conduct and behavioral protocol is just a whole other level than any other in life.
You will see body parts a swinging and hanging, you will see people fucking on barstools or random couches, you will see people sucking each other off at the edge of a pool. Who knows what your lucky day will bring you?! Be aware of what is the right amount of far, and what is going too far.
3. Ask to Participate
You can spend the whole night looking and learning and talking to people, and observing so you can become comfortable for the next time you show up at the sex club. But if you are going to dive into a sexy intimate connection, always ASK before you touch!
It doesn’t take much to get things started at a sex club WHEN all the desires and passions and boundaries align. It can take a few hours or just a few minutes (I’ve had those lucky days, bless the mutual parallel sluts who cherish diving real deep real quick.)
4. Go Slow
Whether it’s words or actions, take it slow. Don’t try to fuck five people at once or you will make a fool of yourself and probably get kicked out.
Take it easy, have one experience at a time, and only start blending and blurring the connections between bodies if the opportunity is RIGHT THERE and everyone is eagerly openly inviting you to expand your fun times to their area. If you do it, do it SLOWLY!
Read: 7 Types of Group Sex
5. Ask Questions
If you’re curious about something, and you will be, just ask. This requires tact, skill, and observational talents. Don’t interrupt people and say, “Doesn’t that HURT when he fucks her like that?” No, God, no. Don’t be That Guy or That Girl! Be the person who waits five minutes patiently until the person is free to talk and the room isn’t focused on the amazing sex orgy happening.
When you do go up to someone, ask your questions politely! This is a skill that is underrated, so I’m giving you a jewel worth polishing before you go to have kinky sexy fun times in some big group of horny awesome humans!
Slide up at just the right time after watching a good amount of erotic action and then slowly ask to speak to them, kiss them, or give them your Saturday Night Special!
Use protection, and most importantly… live the wettest dreams you can imagine!
Have you been to a sex club? What etiquette rules do you follow?
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart