Let’s face it, we all live busy lives. With work, extracurricular activities, and other things in life that require many hours of our lives, it’s hard finding time to spend with our primary partners let alone one or more polyamorous partners. In my early experience with polyamory, I found it very hard to find a balance. As I’ve gotten older (gasp!) but thankfully more experienced, things have gotten much easier by managing time in a more thoughtful, mature, and strategic way.
Poly Time Management Tips
So here you say, “Thanks, Captain Obvious!” Yeah I know, but it’s the number one thing that helps. My partner and I have a schedule that is basically laid out like this: One day together alone, one day alone with our other partners, one day of rest together alone, one day/evening with all or some of our partners together, a day of rest alone, and repeat.
This works well for a number of reasons. First, my primary partner and I get plenty of time together which prevents issues of favoritism. Second, we get a healthy dose of time with our other partners. And the group time strengthens our bond as a whole and provides familiarity with all parties which helps build healthy poly relationships. The days of rest provides us with time to concentrate on “life stuff” because it’s not all about sex, right? Right? Riiiiight???? Keep in mind these schedules have to be flexible and aren’t always ideal.
Sometimes we need to look at what’s more important to who when we make plans. For example: Your primary partner wants to have a chill night at the movies and then come home for some great times in bed, and hey, it’s your night to be together anyway. But here’s the thing, your other partner’s brother has a big art opening, and it would mean a lot to her for you to come along as her date. It’s safe to say the movie can wait for another time. Make sure you’re flexible to change plans and that you work toward your partners being understanding when situations like this arise. In the long run, little things like this make everyone so much happier.
Share a calendar! Google and other services provide calendars that can be shared. This way, you can apply your schedule where all partners can view, add to, and reference. You’ll experience less arguments about when and where and with who when it’s saved. Also, if a partner is missing you on days apart, have a video chat or phone call to keep them feeling close. Remember though, if this is during your scheduled time with your primary partner, be open about what you’re doing and why to prevent jealousy.
Please share any tips you have on poly time management below!