The notion of improving your relationships might feel overwhelming, probably because by the time you’ve thought of it, things have already gone off the rails. Sometimes it’s at the point where professional guidance is the best choice. Other times, you can make things better with just a few small adjustments and a desire to change.
How to Improve Your Relationships Today
Be Mindful of Your Phone Use
Cell phones connect us in ways that make maintaining multiple relationships easier than ever, but they also divide our attention and take us out of the moment. They are truly a mixed blessing in poly circles.
Make agreements around phone use. If you and your partners decide that devices should be muted and put away during date nights, honor that. If your job is such that you must remain available, figure out how you can navigate that so that you can give each other the undivided attention you both deserve.
Talk Openly about Sex
Create a safe and trusting space where you and your partners can talk openly about what works (and what doesn’t work) between the sheets. If you’re worried about hurt feelings, start with a positive statement, gently work in your criticism, then end things with another positive.
For example, “I really love it when you blow softly in my ear. It’s a little too intense when you stick your tongue in there, but I want to keep exploring that. Maybe you could try nibbling on my earlobe?” This approach is called a shit sandwich. It sounds gross, but it works!
Make Time to Really Connect
It can be hard to carve out dedicated time in our busy lives to connect with each other on a deeper level than the norm, but it’s important to try. Plan extended weekend dates with each of your partners and decide together how best to fill them. You might choose to spend the whole time in bed, on a three-day hike, or just hanging out doing nothing.
Some of my favorite dates have involved nothing more than driving somewhere new or going to the grocery store together. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just capable of bringing you closer.
Cuddle Up Together
Speaking of getting closer, there’s nothing like a cuddle session to deepen bonds. Cuddle up with each of your partners individually, or all together if you and your polycule are into that sort of thing. Work it into simple activities, like reading a book or watching your favorite movie.
Make a point of reaching out, especially if you’re deep into a long-term relationship and cuddle sessions have faded into the past. All it takes is one person to initiate, so be that person and wrap your arms around your partner(s) today.
Have some tips for how to make your relationships the best they can be? Share them in a comment!