Tips & Advice

How to Cope with a Lagging Libido

Couple Cuddling in Bed

Whether sex is always on your mind, or almost never, you’re probably “normal.” Sexual desire ranges widely and it also changes through everyday life and in different relationships.

With more than one partner, you are sure to experience a low sex drive from time to time.

How to Deal with a Low Libido

Let go of unrealistic expectations.

If you’ve been jerking off once a week since you were twenty, it’s ridiculous to compare yourself at age forty-four to someone who wants it twice a day.

You’d be amazed how many sixty year olds consult their doctors because they don’t feel the stamina they did as teenagers.

Long-term relationships naturally change the pace of sex from early days to enjoy more snuggling and more space.

Honor your nature, and the nature of your relationships.

A new relationship means novelty and increased arousal, and means a spike in libido. Revisiting a lover you haven’t seen for ages might mean wanting to get naked a few times a day.

If the mother of your children is insanely horny when her long-distance lover drops in but only mounts you weekly, understand and honor how nature works so you can allow yourselves this normal fluctuation of desire.

Understand and respect hormonal changes, aging, illness, and diverse relationships.

If you were firing on all cylinders for the past ten years and suddenly have no interest in sex at all, this could indicate something beyond natural fluctuations of libido.

See a doctor to rule out serious medical concerns—diabetes, heart problems, and depression are just a few conditions that could impact desire. Some medications dramatically impact libido too.

Take care of your health—sexual, physical, and mental.

Sleep is important to your overall health and to sexual health, and so is hydration, exercise, and nutrition.

Increase your energy to improve sexual energy. Getting more rest, relaxing, and improving your diet will all contribute to increased energy, which in turn means increased sexual energy.

Cut back on your commitments and workload if you need to replenish after running on empty. Find ways to manage stress better, like yoga or meditation, talk therapy, dancing, or confronting and resolving ongoing conflicts.

Resolve relationship troubles.

A lagging libido can be a flag for emotional disconnect. If you’re feeling distant, resentful, jealous, or angry with a partner, it makes sense that you have less desire to be close to her.

Your penis might just be playing hide and seek out of petty resentment because she’s getting more attention outside than you are, or it might be responding to a toxic onslaught of emotion if she’s demanding and manipulating and you haven’t yet admitted these problems to yourself.

It’s natural for an ebb and flow of sex in any relationship, but it’s also a good idea to check in with any problems there. The longer you delay acknowledging those issues, the longer you delay resolution.

Explore new ways to play.

Novelty, renewed emotional connection, a change of scenery, and sharing new experiences are just a few ways to revive interest in sex. Mix things up if you’re always doing it the same way. Experimenting with kink, fantasies, fetishes, or a different setting are just a few ways you can play differently.

Take a break to relieve the pressure.

Lagging libido sometimes means nothing more than the obvious: you need a break. We are not machines, and we naturally require time to replenish our bodies and our sexual imagination.

Focus on other important things for a while.

A dip in sex drive can indicate a need to pay attention to other important issues in life. Use the natural lull to finish house projects, spend time with lovers doing other things, visit relatives, coach sports for at-risk kids, or catch up with old friends you’ve neglected.

We all have that to-do wish list we’ve been neglecting, so take some time to cross things off your list.

What do you do when your libido lags? Please share your tips in the comments!

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