10 Questions to Help You Find the Sex and Relationship You Want

Cut the Nonsense: 10 Surgical Questions

The world is changing in ways it never has before. It’s not just a whole new generation of kids with iPads, smart phones and internet at their fingertips, it’s all this undefined sexuality and gender identity evolution that is exploding across the world.

It’s more women and men being intimately expressive and free than ever before, with all the amateur pornography on the internet. It’s #selfie culture where people love to share their smiling faces with the world. It’s more trans people expressing their reality, truth, story and lifestyle than ever before. It’s more people being open to learning about alternate levels and subcultures of sexuality and intimacy and BDSM and fetishes than anyone could have ever possibly imagined since the days where most people only thought of Playboy, Playgirl, Penthouse and Hustler when the word “pornography” was said. And there is more possibility for people to express and explore fantasies and hidden desires… the internet is GREAT for that!

But I know one of my problems in life: when I walk into a candy store, I get analysis paralysis. I get overwhelmed by the options of chocolate bars, candies, gummies, desserts, flavors of chips and munchies in the store. Sometimes it takes me up to ten damn minutes to decide one little treat to eat! It’s a blessing and a curse, to be sure.

I have to also express a parallel sentiment for women: “she who hesitates is lost”, as in: the woman who doesn’t know what she wants in life is probably the woman who isn’t satisfied with her life, and especially her love life. Not knowing where you want to go is the most guaranteed way to never arrive anywhere you dream to be. So, applied to sex, how does this manifest?

How do we know what we want?

1. What dream love connection or relationship did you want when you were young? Do you know, in your heart, if you still want the same thing today?

2. Have you ever said: “This is my dream come true.” And are you still living in the same dream now? If not, what changed? And did your desire to be in that dream change, or did you complete the desire to do that dream, and have moved on to another one?

3. Do you have dreams, adventures and fantasies that can be created by yourself, or do you have dreams, adventures and fantasies that require others to participate?

4. Do you want to have one sex partner, or more than one?

5. Does this desire change from day to day, or is it consistent?

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6. Do you get jealous easily? And if so, how long have you felt the jealous impulse in you?

7. How many relationships in the past ten years have you been satisfied with? Or unsatisfied with? And why did you stay or go?

8. Have you ever needed to take a major vacation or change your career path severely?

9. What do your friends and family say about your relationships, and how does it affect your relationships?

10. Do you feel like you are following your heart in love and life, or do you feel like you are following a checklist or another person’s image to protect you from the relationships you fear?

Go there. Go to those dark, creepy, mysterious, uncomfortable places in yourself. Because to do polyamory properly, one has to KNOW themselves as well as possible.

Ask yourself these questions, please. Write the answers down if you have to.


So, then you won’t be taking things you don’t want from people you don’t like and expecting things that can’t happen with people you don’t even really desire anything from!

And you are getting everything you dream from everyone you dream to love.

Hello, Heaven!

In Love,
Addi Stewart

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