She Wants an MMF Threesome, But You Don’t

Your wife or girlfriend wants an MMF threesome, but you’re just not that into it.

I meet and hear from a lot of men who are in relationships with women who’d like them to experiment with other guys in threesomes, or would get off watching them one on one with another man.

Here are some stories from kinky and polyamorous guys who struggle with their wife or girlfriend wanting an MMF threesome, because they’re just not into it.

Unsure About MMF Threesomes

I’m a 35-year-old male and have been poly for about five years. There’s no going back for me because I’m happy and have a really good long-term relationship, plus fun flings when they arise! My primary partner and I had agreed that we will be with each other’s lovers, at least occasionally, all together, because we share everything.

That sounded super hot, but in practice, it means joining my wife and some guy way more often than her joining me and my babes, because she has many more flings than I do. At first I was rock hard at the thought of watching her taking it, but she wants me to be more hands-on and has even asked me to be more open to anal.

I enjoy her pegging me, but just can’t get into the idea of some guy’s cock up my ass to be honest. Nor do I want to suck his balls or dick. I’m just not as open as I thought, I guess. I’m just not that into dudes. – Max, 35

I love watching couples in porn and have fantasized about playing around with guys in orgies but when my fantasies came true and I had a girlfriend who loved MMF threesomes, I couldn’t even get it up! I was so turned off. How do I redeem my poly vibes? I’m supposed to love everyone. – Michael, 24

I said I was bisexual in my profile online, looking for hot couples who wanted a sexy three-way. I met a nice couple, and we had a few hookups. Now they want to form a throuple, but I just don’t see how I can get naked with another man again. I’m just not feeling it. Any advice? – Harli, 31

For more about the MMF experience, read: MMF Threesome Sexual Experiences

Thank you guys for your honest letters. These aren’t the only ones I’ve received from guys about guys. I often get letters from men fantasizing about men, or who enjoyed the other M in an MMF threesome more than they were expecting to. But I also hear from guys who have given it a fair shake for whatever reason and, well, just aren’t that into dudes.

To those men, I say: So what? You like what you like. Kudos to you for trying new things and being adventurous. The whole point of experimenting is to find out what floats your boat and experience new things. You don’t have to stay with those things forever. Not every erotic experience has to be on repeat.

When She Wants an MMF Threesome

Let’s take a look at experimenting with your bisexual side.. or not!

Threesome fantasies need not become real.

One lesson that stands out here is that fantasy and reality are two different things. Even a constant, intense, recurring fantasy doesn’t mean someone will enjoy it in actual life. You can fantasize about something and jerk off to it a million times and that doesn’t make it real or mean that you “really” want it.

Losing sight of that distinction can complicate things unnecessarily.

Some fantasies are uncomfortable. It’s not uncommon for women to fantasize about rape, for example. Some guys fantasize about their mother. Monogamous guys might fantasize about their best friend’s wife, but wouldn’t think about giving in to temptation because they know it wouldn’t be what it is when they close their eyes.

Other fantasies are fun to explore and might turn out to be hot, sexy, and rewarding. Or they might not be that great after all, and that is just fine.

Fulfilling her MMF fantasy is awesome, but you don’t have to do it all the time.

It’s great that you experiment and explore her desires. Polyamory is about give and take, as well as sex! And being playful and willing makes sex hotter and deepens relationship bonds.

But if something doesn’t really work for you—a particular kink, sexual act, or person—you don’t have to repeat yourself over and over.

Read: Reasons to Try MMF Threesomes

Being open and adventurous doesn’t mean you are bisexual.

Not every polyamorous dude is bisexual.

Just because you have slept with men, had threesomes with men and women, or are open to play with all or any genders, doesn’t make you bisexual, gay, polysexual, or otherwise. Even if you enjoy some or all of the experiences.

Wanting to be bisexual for a woman’s pleasure or for a more open sex life doesn’t make you bisexual either.

Again, kudos for being open-minded and experimental, but being wild and free doesn’t make you gay, straight, or bisexual.

Read: 4 Ways to Explore Your Bisexual Side

Your consent counts.

Even if you were open to it before, made it part of your poly arrangement, wanted to do it, liked it in porn, promised her you would, or enjoyed it with her many times already—your consent still counts for next time.

If something isn’t working for you sexually now, then it’s time to revisit and revamp the rules. Your consent isn’t a one-shot deal—it’s something you renew again and again. Your partner won’t have any idea that it’s not okay for you unless you tell her. You don’t have to do something just because you did before.

Read: Threesome Rules for Poly Couples

You can always revisit the arrangements.

If you agreed to hot MFM threesomes when you got married, or otherwise made arrangements that involve you and dudes that you don’t get off on now, it’s time to revisit the rules.

Talk openly with your lovers. Assuming she loves you, she doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable.

Maybe you will find a middle ground—lots of couples who enjoy bisexual play have boundaries like “blow jobs only” or “no anal” or “watch but don’t touch.”

Maybe your partner is totally fine just playing in FFM threeways. Or maybe you both want new and different regulations and boundaries. You might be surprised.

Read: MMF Relationships: Benefits & Challenges

Find other ways to explore and fulfill desires.

Just because you’re done with dudes doesn’t mean your sex life is over. There are infinite ways to experiment and play. Instead of feeling as if something has been taken away—from you or from her—focus on the variety of possible adventures ahead. Talk about playing in a kinky new way, or use porn to fulfill fantasies that don’t work in real-time.

Do you have a story about trying an MMF threesome?

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