Think back to the first months with your partners, and what the sex was like then. Think about how you used your hands on her. Think about what kissing was like. Think about the blowjob from start to finish.
It’s natural for other aspects of relationships and life to take over, especially when we have many lovers. But time constraints and familiarity don’t have to mean less creativity or satisfaction.
One thing I learned from a long-term poly partner is to sometimes make sex sessions about a specific action only. That way, we thwart our natural habit of brushing most techniques and aspects of sex into a perfunctory few seconds as we head towards a few minutes of fucking.
Movie Nights
Who has time to neck for hours anymore? Besides, you’ve been there, done that, and you have easy access to kissing her all the time.
This is a natural attitude, but the easiest way to rediscover the heady heights of lust is to scale it all the way back to the beginning—do that on a regular basis. Kissing is heaven. Deciding you’re not in a hurry lets you delight in the sensuality, playfulness, and security of a beautiful and familiar relationship.
Go to a movie and neck. Keep it going on the escalator, in the taxi, in the elevator, and at the door before finding your keys. Let that flush feeling and insane tension stay where it is. Do the dishes and go to bed instead of relieving the build up with sex.
A few weeks of using the movie-night trick can fix almost any marital or relationship problem! Seriously.
Pants-Stay-On Night
Some couples discover the joy of no sex by mistake. A girlfriend’s mate had a vasectomy that had a minor complication, and the doctor told him not to masturbate or have sex for a few days. Since she was menstruating at that time, their horny desperation didn’t have a genital outlet. There was a lot of humping, rubbing over jeans, necking, and breast play.
Let your imagination take over. Remember when you didn’t go all the way? There’s no feeling like being revved up hard with no place to go. You get crazy about your partner all over again.
Blowjob to Orgasm
Admit it, the thirty-second tongue swirl that comes just before intercourse would be nicer if it was the main course once in a while.
I love surprising men by withholding sex and giving them the kind of dick sucking I did in the first months of our relationship. Just as he’s reaching for the condom or beckoning me onto all fours, I push him back and say no, and just keep sucking.
Reciprocate the next time—nothing but pussy licking, where you take your time with your tongue and bring her to climax without having intercourse.
Finger Fucking
Touch her pussy like it’s the first time.
Remember those first feels, when you couldn’t believe you were actually getting to touch it? You couldn’t believe how wet she was. You wanted to spend hours just running your fingertips along her labia and playing with it, experimenting with penetrating her by different fingers, rubbing her clit with your thumb. Squeezing it. Pushing your palm against it and playing with different pressures.
Remember the thrill of her insane need as she begged for more, but you were in no hurry. And her explosive orgasm and how it sucked in half your hand in.
The fingers are amazing—they allow so many kinds of sensation and touch. Make them the focus once in a while.
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