Polyamory may seems like a dream come true. You get to have sex with as many people as you like, you meet lots of promiscuous folks, and your dick never dries off, right? Not so fast there, tiger. As always, the truth and the fantasy are usually a few miles apart.
Yes, you can have sex with a lot of people, but having sex with a lot of people brings complications. This is especially true if you want to be in a meaningful relationship with one of them.
Most people who want some kind of love inevitably will have a primary partner. The more sex you have with someone, the closer you feel. The more intimate time you spend together, the more you’re going to start sharing your worries and hopes with that person. When you share your love with other people, jealousy is bound to crop up.
Jealousy can be overcome. It’s a state of mind, and it’s all related to how secure one is with oneself. However, you won’t be able to hook up with other people without being totally open with your partner and sharing your feelings and insecurities with each other. Some people find this kind of sharing hot, while others find it deeply upsetting. If partners can’t strike the right balance, then the poly angle won’t work.
Something else to consider is how much a new lover should be let into the relationship, emotionally speaking. Is this a full partner, or is it a fling. What if one person likes the new lover but the other doesn’t? Are you going to use veto rules in your relationship?
Screwing randoms or mistresses behind your partner’s back isn’t being poly—that’s just cheating. If that’s your jam, then so be it. You’re putting another person’s health at risk, and messing up emotional closeness in a lot of ways.
Polyamory can be fulfilling and fun, but it’s not easier than a monogamous relationship. If you find being in a relationship with one person challenging, you may find more than one to be too much work.
Share your poly experiences in the comments!