The new year is a time to take stock. Are you where you want to be in life? Are you doing what you can to fulfil yourself and be the best you can be?
When most of us think of New Year’s Resolutions, we think of personal promises we make to ourselves. Most of the time they involve getting in shape, or breaking an unhealthy habit once and for all, but what about resolving to give more in our poly relationships?
5 Polyamory Resolutions for the New Year
1. Make Time for Romance
Life’s obligations can make it hard to focus on anything other than working and paying bills. After the excitement of a new relationship wanes, setting aside time for romance can feel like a luxury.
This year, give yourself permission to relax and do something special with each of your partners. Plan sexy date nights once a week, or take that trip together that you’ve always dreamed of in 2018.
2. Listen More
Try to really hear what your partners are saying. It’s easy to get caught up in our own side of things, talking at, rather than with one another. Set aside a regular time to touch base about your lives and emotions.
If someone says something you don’t quite understand, ask for clarification. Give everyone equal time to express themselves and try not to get defensive if you hear something that you disagree with. Listen fully before you react.
3. Forgive More
Speaking of disagreements, life’s too short to hold grudges. Make an effort to move past hurt feelings so that you can get on with enjoying your kick-ass poly life. I know forgiveness is easier said than done and that sometimes it takes time to move past the hurt.
Focusing on empathy is a good way to hasten forgiveness. And don’t forget to forgive yourself when needed as well. So often we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else!
4. Stop People Pleasing
People pleasing is essentially a by-product of self-reproach. When we refuse to forgive ourselves, we feel guilty, and that in turn makes us bend over backwards to please other people.
We might think we’re doing everyone a favor, but really, people pleasing is a form of dishonesty. It ends up hurting both ourselves and our partners because it doesn’t honor who we really are. It’s better to express our true opinions and desires every time, even if they might not be well-received.
5. Stay in the Moment
Let’s set aside our phones and focus more on the partner before us. It’s no easy task, with all the distractions of modern life, not to mention the pressures of being reachable at all times. Make an agreement that date nights are distraction free (as much as possible), then let each of your partners know so that they don’t feel ignored.
It helps to keep a joint calendar so that everyone can keep track of whose night is whose. Everyone should relax more when they realize that you’ll give them the same consideration of being fully present for them when the time comes. Like many facets of poly life, it all comes down to fairness and respect.
Do you have any that you’d like to share? If so, leave us a comment. Let’s support one another in our efforts to be better poly partners.